I woke up this morning thinking about where I have been; the experiences I have had; and the humility and wisdom I hope to have gained from them.
I went back and re-read some posts on my blog. I've had Unnecessary Insults since 2015, so it feels like having conversations with previous versions of myself. It is certainly a reminder for me to remember the places - literally and figuratively - that I have been.
Here's what I know. Here's what I hope to never forget. Here's what I was reminded of this morning:
She "who is without sin, cast the first stone."
Sometimes, I need to replace "sin" with other things like shame, embarrassment, brokenness, hurt, anger, a story, etcetera to remember that everyone of us need love, mercy, and grace.
Here's the truth:
I wrote Algophobic Masochist on a bus, at night, in Dallas, Texas headed to the job of my ex to reassure him that I was still committed after "last night." So many writings from 2017 are about the relationship with him as well. Breaking free of that was so incredibly hard. In 2022, with literal and figurative distance from that situation and person, I forgot how much it took.
The place I was in then is not the place I am in now. 31 year old LeKechia believes that I have the right to walk away from ANYTHING and ANYONE, and the reasons do not have to be tragic. 31 year old LeKechia will, in the words of @glennondoyle, abandon EVERYONE before I abandon myself again.
And, oh how I have abandoned myself in the past.
Today I am reminded of what I needed every single time, I was operating from self-abandonment and what was absolutely unhelpful. I am reminded of how I felt so abandoned by the people in my life who offered judgement and criticisms over love and affirmation. I am reminded of how much it took and continues to take to get from one version to this version to the next version of LeKechia Lyshell.
With this in mind, let me walk in confidence, power, and understanding this day and hopefully every day.
In all thy getting, get understanding.
