I have hirsutism (HUR-soot-iz-um).
Per the Mayo Clinic, "hirsutism is a condition in women that results in excessive growth of dark or coarse hair in a male-like pattern — face, chest and back." Even in high school and college, I was much hairier than the girls around me. This has always been a source of frustration and insecurity.
When I do not thread, wax, or use depilatory creams, my facial hair is prominent. I have also developed an almost compulsive need to pluck and tweeze which damaged my skin over the years. This all amounts to an expensive, cosmetic in nature "problem" that sometimes creates feelings of hopelessness, sadness, and isolation.
It deeply impacts me. I have avoided visiting family based on my skin's appearance. I have cancelled plans with friends and dates with romantic partners/prospects. On "bad days," I stay in my feelings and in bed. On "good days," I say "Fuck it. It is what it is."
My primary, internal medicine doctor ran a series of test to rule out an underlying medical cause such as Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) or Cushing syndrome. My results are normal. I am ashamed to admit I hoped for a medical issue which would indicate that this is not "just me" and how I am made.
I also saw a dermatologist who, in the most abrasive way possible, reiterated that genetics can be a bitch. He gave me a script for an over $300 cream that can reduce the rate of growth. A different, more tactful dermatologist is in the process of creating a treatment plan. Hopefully, it yields good results.
The long-term solution is laser hair removal or electrolysis. My doctor does not recommend laser because it targets melanin in skin which can lead to discoloration. Not only is electrolysis not covered by insurance or an eligible HSA expense, finding a reputable, experienced person/practice in my area is a task.
I said all of that to say I AM SENSITIVE about my skin and its appearance. I do not welcome unsolicited advice. I will react to comments I receive as unhelpful, insensitive, and/or rude.
This is my journey. It is personal. It can be painful. As trivial as it may seem, for women with this condition, it is a big fucking deal. I reserve the right at all times to educate and verbally eviscerate trespassers of this clear boundary.
I wrote this a while ago, but I was unsure if I wanted to share. Today was a waxing day. Every time I subject myself to a hair removal process, I think of this never-ending cycle of removal and regrowth. It felt like an appropriate time.
Here is where I insert positivity for my own sake, not minimization.
1. I am an intelligent, healthy, worthy, beautiful woman.
2. I have resources and access to medical and mental health providers to help me navigate seen and unseen issues.
3. I bring so much to any table I join that only a fucking idiot would discount me because I am hairy.
4. I have beautiful friends who offer much support and encouragement.
5. I do hard things every fucking day and showing up as I am, however I am, is a strength.
6. My struggles small and significant make me a more understanding, compassionate, humble human.
7. ONLY I can define what feminine means for me. I determine how to execute my womanhood.
From Rupi Kaur:
"hair if it was not supposed to be there would not be growing on our bodies in the first place - we are at war with what comes most naturally to us"
P.S.: And, threading! Have you ever had a mustache threaded? Now, that is some painful shit.
