I am single, but I am dating.
I am practicing radical honesty with myself and others.
I am unmasking.
I am naming what I want with an unsexy level of clarity and detail.
I am showing up unabbreviated and unabridged.
Because one of my values is being a safe person.
Because I am genuinely curious about people and their stories.
Because I know it actually wasn't rejection that was trying to kill me.
It was fear.
The fear of rejection.
The fear of loneliness.
The fear of danger.
I survived my shadows and continue to make peace with myself.
I made decisions that required bravery, grief, and moxie.
And I know now: I can trust myself.
The hardest part about connecting on a meaningful level is recognizing when fear is in the driver seat.
Perfect love casts out fear.
What if the key to connection, to stopping the fight and flight and cycling through humans, is to show up as loving as possible?
Casting our fears to the background. Moment by moment by moment.
They say, "LeKechia, you make yourself vulnerable."
True.
And I will probably encounter fresh disappointment.
And I will learn.
I will expand.
I will thrive anyway.
See? This isn't just about showing up for them.
It's about showing up as me.
Authenticity leads to alignment.
And alignment is divine.
So I can double or triple text.
I can say, "That hurt my feelings."
I can say, "I like you a lot."
"I desire more of your time and energy."
And the kind of person who believes affection, communication, desire, and vulnerability are tools for power over is exactly the kind of person my self-respect will rule out.
I remember what Hafiz wrote:
"Admit something: Everyone you see, you say to them, 'Love me.'
...Still though, think about this, this great pull in us to connect.
Why not become the one who lives with a full moon in each eye,
that is always saying, with that sweet moon language,
what every other eye in this world is dying to hear."
The beauty in loving freely, with a full moon in each eye, is knowing love has never broken any of us.
Fear has.
