When I started this writing, feeling anxious and fearful, I wrote: My deepest fear used to be arriving to the end of my life unaccomplished, not actualized, with great potential and minimal results. Now I am afraid of reaching the end of my life traumatized, unhealed, and unproductive in the sense of a healthy, in tact soul bearing fruit.
I stopped writing in the notes of my phone, picked up a pen, and started to journal. Then I made a cup of tea. I lit a calming candle. I sat with the part of me stuck in the future and the part stuck in the past. We cried. I soothed my parts with understanding and patience. I was gentle with us as I brought us back to now.
Here, right now, in this moment, I am safe.
In our last session, my therapist reminded me of the following:
1. Trust your intuition, but not the mind.
2. Pay attention to trauma responses.
3. [Ask] Where is this stemming from?
4. Triggers are an opportunity to go within; never to project.
I leaned into those reminders today.
