Euphemisms

Bullshitting ourselves and others is easy. Far. Too. Easy. Among the many reasons, I appreciate my therapist is truth orienting. There's a deeper level of information she knows, so the call out - the call to awareness and accountability - is effective. It can also be jarring.

I woke up with yesterday's session on my mind. I woke up writing to connect dots. I love to write. I love to take the most comfortable of my thoughts and feelings and put them into some comprehensible, palatable format. I do not love journaling. 

I do not enjoy taking an audience with myself for the uncomfortable conversations.

I can bullshit when I blog to an invisible, nonexistent "public." I can euphemize. I can say a lot without actually giving anything away. "Queen PR." It's a skill.

Journaling, to me, is euphemism and bullshit free writing. It's undressed, unedited, unfiltered conversations with self. And, I am no easy audience.

...

The other day [and most of my life], my dad chided again. 

"Stop saying 'You don't know, LeKechia.' You do know. 'I don't know' undercuts everything you say before and afterward. I don't want a person talking to me who don't know. You question yourself and opinions mid conversation."

"I don't know everything, Papa Lee. Some things I am still figuring out."

"...Well say that then. Say you're figuring it out."

"I can do that if it makes you more comfortable. But, you know "I'm still figuring it out" is just a euphemism for "I don't know. We're saying the same thing."

My dad laughed.

"I guess you're right, but I'll take the euphemism."