Prior to him, I hoped for better, improved parental relationships, but I saw it as want not a necessity. Family closeness was desired not prioritized. I alreay had a few key friendships; community was optional. Long-term relationships (marriage and the like) were not on the table.
I actually thought myself self-sufficient. In arrogance and error, I saw my life as a "self-contained entity. Children humble you. 🥴 With the quickness.
Now, I have to retract uninformed, ignorant assertions. I have to acknowledge that I need support. I need the village, and I am actively considering a move for this reason.
Lots of people have complicated families and parental relationships. I know I am not alone. Still, it fascinates me.
I thought I required space for my own emotional safety. Now proximity for MJ seems best. In some ways having a dependent makes me more dependent.
I needed help for work travel. My dad came through. He took care of MJ for a weekend. That's a beautiful wild to me.
I need help this week. My mom is coming. Thank God.
When it comes to MJ, the grown-up LeKechia has to show up. The little girl LeKechia, valid as her concerns are, cannot dictate his relationship with my parents. Her grievances cannot deprive him of something we are grateful to have...beautiful, loving relationships with both Grandmothers.
It is okay to have frustration as a daughter. It's not okay to allow that to transform into dysfunction as a mother. People can only give what they have. Free them of [often unrealistic] expectations. Free yourself of disappointment.
Years ago I read Dr. Maya Angelou's Mom & Me & Mom. Something she wrote comes to my remembrance: You were a terrible mother of small children, but there has never been anyone greater than you as a mother of a young adult.
It highlights that parents have seasons. Parents change. Children change. Humans change.
The byproduct of giving others more grace is that there will be more grace available to me. Goodness knows I need it. Conscience knows I must extend it.
