For the past 5 Saturdays, from 11 am to noon, in the comfort of my home or wherever I am, I've had sessions. (I was in my bed for today's session.) It is difficult to be my raw, uncut, often messy and complicated self, and therapy offers a safe, confidential space to do that.
Still, it is a hard thing.
The difficulty, for me anyways, lies in the awareness and accountability. I learn unpalatable truths about myself. I have to deal with me without artifice. It isn't always everyone else; sometimes I am the toxic or problematic one.
I come face-to-face with the fact that I am an active instigator, contributor, and participant in so much of my bullshit. I gain greater awareness that, in many ways, I am attached - deeply comfortable - with my bullshit, patterns, and trauma. At the same, with ever increasing certainty, I realize I am my solution. I am the only one with the ability to change myself and the way I live and experience my life.
It is a process. It is a lot to process.
Therapists are not yes-people. They are supportive, knowledgeable, resourceful, honest allies of health and healing. They are accountability partners. They offer evidence-based steps and solutions to change thought patterns and behaviors. They hold up a mirror and reflect you to you - both who you are right now and the you you will become with effort and consistency.
Therapy is not magic. It does not offer immediate breakthroughs. It does not fix everything. It is certainly not the easiest thing I've ever done. Still, therapy helps in small and significant ways. I know it is beneficial, and I will always advocate for it.
I am especially grateful for my last and current therapist. Both are licensed mental health professionals. Both are women. Both are black. They have both seen, affirmed, supported, and challenged me. They've held space for me in sessions, so that I can hold space for myself outside of them.
P.S:
When I came back to Texas, I contacted my last therapist. She is not seeing patients for a few months. As much as I was looking forward to working with her, I was happy and hopeful that she is taking time to care for herself. I hope my therapists and all people in helping professions have safe spaces to process, release, and be. 🙏🏿
