Favorite Quotes
“If growing up is painful for the Southern Black girl, being aware of her displacement is the rust on the razor that threatens the throat. It is an unnecessary insult.”
"Be the change you wish to see in the world."
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
"...I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you; we are in charge of our attitudes."
“There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of beauty.”
“Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”
Tuesday, December 31, 2019
Happy Birthday, Mother
Sunday, December 29, 2019
I belong to You.
You're more real than the wind in my lungs
You're thoughts define me
You're my reality
Abba, I belong to You
Abba, I belong to You
[You're closer than the skin on my bones
You're closer than the song on my tongue
You're thoughts define me
You're my reality
Abba, I belong to You
Abba, I belong to You
Saturday, December 28, 2019
Dream Big Big One
Sometimes, in order to protect myself and my heart, I stifle the desire for a thing or person. I deny it outright with such vigor that I am convinced I never desired that thing or person at all. Denial can be temporarily effective, but it is not a long-term solution.
Recently, I accepted that I desired something more than I thought possible. The realization scared me 💩less. It still scares me, but here I am "feeling the fear" and not denying myself the beauty of that vision. I feel the hope in spite of the possibility that everything may not go according to plan, and this will not be an easy journey.
I feel ill-prepared and overwhelmed, but my heart is open in a way that is wonderfully brave and vulnerable. I feel undereducated and uncomfortable, but I know a force of excitement that is barely containable. I feel panic that can only be described as "Expletive! Expletive! EXPLETIVE!," and I have peace and joy that can only be described as Philippians 4:7.
I recently talked to my 6 year old stepsister who advised me that she wanted to be a Scientist, Veterinarian, and "Solver" (investigator or detective) among other things. She asked me, "what do you want to be when you grow up?" She gave me permission to dream big because in her hopeful, extraordinary, bright mind, no vision is beyond realization. (Thank you, Daniyah!)
Maybe, and I have a good feeling about this, becoming like little children is not only the path to humility and Heaven. Becoming like children it is the path imagination and a purposeful, visionary life. Opening oneself to one's vision, dreams, and desires is opening oneself to hope and imagination.
My heart's desires are not outlandish or impossible or beyond my capabilities, capacity, or grasp. Neither are your heart's desires. I purchased a children's book for myself, Dream Big Little One by Vashti Harrison, and I'm so excited to read it. (It will be delivered tomorrow. 😁😁😁) With a sense of urgency, I implore you and me:
Dream Big Big One 🖤
Tuesday, December 3, 2019
What do you want?
Monday, November 18, 2019
Happy Day
Tuesday, November 12, 2019
Back To You
Monday, November 11, 2019
Sunday, November 10, 2019
Deliberate Illumination
Saturday, November 9, 2019
Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit
Happiness is not a potato.
Stories
Thursday, November 7, 2019
Exodus
Wednesday, November 6, 2019
Finally Miss Jewsbury yelled so loud even I heard it. ‘This child’s not full of the Spirit,’ she screamed, ‘she’s deaf.’
Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more...
Tuesday, October 29, 2019
Lose Shame To Love Me
This regret was killing me softly
I needed to hate doubt to love me, yeah
To love, love, yeah
To love, love, yeah
To love, yeah
Tuesday, September 24, 2019
Odds of Being Alone
You're watching your world spin
You feel farther from it now
Nowhere to begin
And are you to figure it out?
Wouldn't you like to know?
Wouldn't you like to know?
Wouldn't you like to know?
Yeah?
Wouldn't you like to know?
Wouldn't you like to know?
Wouldn't you like to know?
The odds of being alone...
The odds of being alone...
Learning goodbyes
It's never easy, love
The harder we tried
Can never be enough
Wouldn't you like to know?
Wouldn't you like to know?
Wouldn't you like to know?
Yeah?
Wouldn't you like to know?
Wouldn't you like to know?
Wouldn't you like to know?
The odds of being alone...
The odds of being alone...
I need answers now
'Cause I am caught off guard
The quiet feels so loud
Tell me this is the hardest part
Tell me this is the hardest part
Wouldn't you like to know?
Wouldn't you like to know?
Wouldn't you like to know?
Wouldn't you like to know?
Wouldn't you like to know?
Wouldn't you like to know?
Wouldn't you like to know?
Wouldn't you like to know?
Wouldn't you like to know?
The odds of being alone...
The odds of being alone
-Trent Dabbs and Amy Stroup
Wednesday, August 28, 2019
The 7 Months Begins Again
Cameron, Buck, (😍)
Brandon One and Brandon Two,
Bryan, DC, and You-Know-Who (😔),
Kevin, Flanigan, Richard, and John...
Fuck me! (🤦🏿♀️)
To be frank, I'm omitting some (🤷🏿♀️)
I've ran out of fingers (😢)
I've started counting toes (💩)
"I love you" and "I love you too" (🤥)
The most redundant stories ever told
Maybe the next one will be The One (🎻)
A love to rival the fables (🙄)
Or it will be a farce (🤡)
Another tally added to the stable (🙅🏿♀️)
Or maybe, just maybe...
The pattern will be recognized
I'll follow Maxine's plan
There'll be self-evaluation and growth
And an idle profession won't be spoken again (🤞🏾)
"...to be able to laugh at yourself is maturity."
- William Arthur Ward
Wednesday, May 29, 2019
untitled
I don't know where this leads.
Will I still recognize me?
When my being's whole
And my truth is spoke
Who will I be?
Will I recognize me?
27:13
One foot in front of the other
Moments turned into days
Though many times she grew weary
She's walking anyway
One breath after another
Heartbeat to heartbeat
Fear threatened asphyxiation,
But she was determined to breathe
With awareness of all she's survived
Her heart echos the psalmist
Gratitude fills her being
She embraces hope and continues to journey
Tuesday, May 28, 2019
Love and Light
"Send him some love and light every time you think about him, then drop it." -Elizabeth Gilbert / Eat, Pray, Love
Monday, May 27, 2019
The Warm-up
I found Grace and Frankie. Well, actually, they found me. Netflix was like "You should totally watch this show; you two are a 98% match." Fortunately for me, I trust Netflix's algorithms.
I love Grace and Frankie. I love that they're two women navigating life, friendship, family, love, AND careers. They are hilarious. They're unfiltered. They're bold. They're beautiful. And, they are older adult women. At the series start, Grace and Frankie are 70!
Perhaps for the first time, I've been picturing myself at 70, and it is really something. To think that I haven't even lived half of my life adds perspective. It took some pressure off the first 28 years.
I'll be 29 soon-ish. Before I know it, I'll be 30 and saying good riddance to my twenties, the trial by fire, and I am determined to end this chapter on a triumphant note. I am hell-bent on making decisions 30 year old Kechia will be glad I made. I've been thinking of her a lot, and that is something I can celebrate even now.
I am a capable, fairly intelligent, resilient woman, and I am not in my prime. I'm warming up. 😁 Yep, two badass, fictional women portrayed by two vybrant,* real women inspired me.
*[sic] aka not a typo. Just watch the show. 😜
Befittingly...
Rupi Kaur / Timeless
the sun and her flowers
"they convinced me
i only had a few good years left
before i was replaced by a girl younger than me
as though men yield power with age
but women grow into irrelevance
they can keep their lies
for i have only gotten started
i feel as though i just left the womb
my twenties are the warm-up
for what i’m really about to do
wait till you see me in my thirties
now that will be a proper introduction
to the nasty, wild, woman in me.
how can i leave before the party’s started
rehearsals begin at forty
i ripen with age
i do not come with an expiration date
and now
for the main event
curtains up at fifty
let’s begin the show"
Sunday, May 26, 2019
Braver. Wiser. Better.
A little over a month ago, on an especially challenging, lonely, and mentally grueling night, I lie in my bed sobbing. My sadness was the only thing palpable and within reach. It clung to me. I recalled a paraphrase of a scripture I've heard many times but never read.
"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes with morning light."
I tried to immerse myself in the hope of morning's light, but I was engulfed in darkness. It pulled me back to the moment and the facts. And the facts of that particular moment in time is that my heart was broken, and I was scared, alone, angry, and incredibly sad. There was no light to look forward to; I would not make it to the morning. How could I? How could my mind and body survive this degree of emotional pain? No, it wouldn't. This time, I would break. I accepted my fate.
I stopped struggling. I stopped searching my mental index for scriptures and platitudes. I stopped looking for poetry and lyrics to strengthen me. I stopped fighting, and the oddest thing happened. From somewhere deep within me I heard "I will emerge braver, wiser, better." I listened as my soul stabilized my self with powerful insistence and surety.
The tears did not cease, but they did slow. I was still sad, but I was comforted. I fell asleep repeating "I will emerge braver, wiser, better." Since that day, this has become my battle cry. It is my patronus*. It is the sound of hope that my most authentic self recognizes.
Emerging is a process. It is damn hard, often shitty, work, but it is affirming, rewarding, beautiful work. Keep going. Keep living. You will emerge...BRAVER. WISER. BETTER.
emerge
verb | \i-ˈmərj\
1: to become manifest : become known
2: to rise from or as if from an enveloping fluid : come
out into view
3: to rise from an obscure or inferior position or condition
4: to come into being throughevolution
Thursday, May 16, 2019
When I Get Home
"I can't be a singular expression of myself
there's too many parts,
too many spaces,
too many manifestations,
too many lines,
too many curves,
too many troubles,
too many journeys,
too many mountains,
too many rivers,
so many"
-Solange / Can I Hold the Mic
A Seat at the Table
"Fall in your ways, so you can crumble
Fall in your ways, so you can sleep at night
Fall in your ways, so you can wake up and rise
Walk in your ways, so you won't crumble
Walk in your ways, so you can sleep at night
Walk in your ways, so you will wake up and rise"
-Solange / Rise
A Seat at the Table
"I'm gonna look for my body, yeah
I'll be back real soon....
But you know that a king is only a man
With flesh and bones,
he bleeds just like you do
He said, 'Where does that leave you?'
And, 'Do you belong?'
I do.
I do...
I'm going to look for my glory, yeah
I'll be back real soon..."
- Solange / Weary
Sunday, May 12, 2019
Mirror Conversations
I know you. Hello Old Friend!
I missed you. Where have you been?
It is a pleasure to see joy in your eyes.
And today you're actually wearing a real smile.
Ah!
You must be reacquainted with Hope
because I feel your soul.
She sparkles again.
How I've missed you,
my Dearest Old Friend!
I'm so glad we've reconnected.
Wednesday, May 8, 2019
"Nitro Chris Hemsworth"
Last night, for the first time in weeks, I slept without waking at 3 am. I dreamt happy, lovely dreams. I laughed, loudly and without care, during my morning shower. I dressed with the lightness of someone without depression. I felt present at work. I wandered the aisles of a craft store and happened on a sale. I spent the evening engrossed in a project that felt good.
I experienced a gloriously satisfying day.
I lie in bed listening to the rain with awareness that healing is within my reach. Whether tomorrow is a good day or bad one, I'll still possess that knowledge. I will still have this hope.
Tuesday, April 30, 2019
Rupi Kaur
i don’t know what living a balanced life feels like
when i am sad
i don’t cry i pour
when i am happy
i don’t smile i glow
when i am angry
i don’t yell i burn
the good thing about feeling in extremes is
when i love i give them wings
but perhaps that isn’t
such a good thing cause
they always tend to leave
and you should see me
when my heart is broken
i don’t grieve
i shatter
They Went Home by Maya Angelou
They went home and told their wives,
that never once in all their lives,
had they known a girl like me,
But... They went home.
They said my house was licking clean,
no word I spoke was ever mean,
I had an air of mystery,
But... They went home.
My praises were on all men’s lips,
they liked my smile, my wit, my hips,
they’d spend one night, or two or three.
But...
Insomniac by Maya Angelou
There are some nights when
sleep plays coy,
aloof and disdainful.
And all the wiles
that I employ to win
its service to my side
are useless as wounded pride,
and much more painful.
Saturday, April 27, 2019
Black and White: Choice
My victim story is powerful, vivid, well-rehearsed. It is mutating, evolving, expanding and expanding. It overshadows me. I am traced in it, overwhelmed. I am trapped in it, overpowered. I am trampled by it, overlooked. I am lost in its arrogance and redundancy. I retch self-doubt and loathing because of it. I keel over, dripping anxiety, entrenched in fear, and losing my wits.
Am I the victim or victimizer?
I want there to be gray, but, in fleeting moments of clarity, the story is silenced and truth is free to speak. "You recoil from and embrace pain. Hurt is your native language. It is as familiar as your flesh. It is as comfortable to you as home. In your experience, you are equal parts protagonist and antagonist. You are quell and rampage."
I listen, rigid from my desire to detach from and cling to truth. I sit. The conclusion comes to me as if it were an outsider and not a part of me all along. I accept. "Whether I betray myself or save myself, I'll face pain anyway." It is not the experience of pain I should focus on; it is the outcome. Hurt to hurt, or hurt to heal. Hurt to remain bound, or hurt to become free. Hurt to hold on to victimhood, or hurt to grasp victory.
Monday, April 22, 2019
Welcome to Holland
"And for the rest of your life, you will say, 'Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.'
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away…because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.
But…if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to go to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things…about Holland."
-Emily Perl Kingsley
Monday, March 11, 2019
At Your Mercy
I'll devour your suggestions.
Tell me something.
Say anything.
I'm not keen on pleading,
but you have what I need.
So, here I am.
Without pretense,
here I am.
Reintegration
My heart races.
My stomach leaps.
I listen as though
I'm not the one who speaks.
My innards shout.
My anxiety prods.
I'm there, in that moment;
I'm outside my mind.
I observe myself.
It's my voice speaking my truth.
It's my conscious both aware and aloof.
Those are my emotions and experiences.
Disassociation from her
doesn't disconnect me from them.
"Damn. I cannot disown myself."
The realization stings.
I'm coaxed from hover and observation
to awareness and participation.
I rejoin myself, and we sit in our truth.
Monday, February 25, 2019
Sunday, February 3, 2019
Welcome Home
This was different. It was neither rumination nor impulsivity. It wasn't ossified or skittish. It flowed through me, a foreign object with a soul good feel. "Balance?" I spoke aloud and paused to await its response. Gratitude nudged, retrieving me from an awestricken state, and I remembered my manners.
Thursday, January 17, 2019
Allies of Heidi
My dear friend, Heidi Brooks, had a stroke this week at age 26. Since I met Brooks, she has become family away from family. Although I am older, I look up to her.
I admire Brooks' confidence, awareness, compassion, and accountability. I respect the unapologetically feminist, millennial, YA afficionado, "friend connect," beautiful force that is HCB. (HCB is yet another nickname.) She is an independent, intelligent, civically engaged, passionate young woman.
Heidi has a Bachelors of English and looks forward to starting a Masters of Library Science program soon. She has worked with youth for years and currently serves as a Volunteer Coordinator for a nonprofit organization. She is determined to make a positive impact, and you can bet your ass that she will.
She loves Harry Styles and Taylor Swift. She introduced me to the magic that is Janelle Monáe. (I am forever indebted.) Heidi is a sister and dog lover. She has the best nickname for her mom. Her lingo is completely original and catchy "AF." She is one of the sweetest, most genuine people I know.
We want Heidi to focus on recovery, and this fundraiser is to help her along her journey. Nothing is too small. If you can donate, please do. Thank you.
https://www.gofundme.com/allies-of-heidi