A little over a month ago, on an especially challenging, lonely, and mentally grueling night, I lie in my bed sobbing. My sadness was the only thing palpable and within reach. It clung to me. I recalled a paraphrase of a scripture I've heard many times but never read.
"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes with morning light."
I tried to immerse myself in the hope of morning's light, but I was engulfed in darkness. It pulled me back to the moment and the facts. And the facts of that particular moment in time is that my heart was broken, and I was scared, alone, angry, and incredibly sad. There was no light to look forward to; I would not make it to the morning. How could I? How could my mind and body survive this degree of emotional pain? No, it wouldn't. This time, I would break. I accepted my fate.
I stopped struggling. I stopped searching my mental index for scriptures and platitudes. I stopped looking for poetry and lyrics to strengthen me. I stopped fighting, and the oddest thing happened. From somewhere deep within me I heard "I will emerge braver, wiser, better." I listened as my soul stabilized my self with powerful insistence and surety.
The tears did not cease, but they did slow. I was still sad, but I was comforted. I fell asleep repeating "I will emerge braver, wiser, better." Since that day, this has become my battle cry. It is my patronus*. It is the sound of hope that my most authentic self recognizes.
Emerging is a process. It is damn hard, often shitty, work, but it is affirming, rewarding, beautiful work. Keep going. Keep living. You will emerge...BRAVER. WISER. BETTER.
emerge
verb | \i-ˈmərj\
1: to become manifest : become known
2: to rise from or as if from an enveloping fluid : come
out into view
3: to rise from an obscure or inferior position or condition
4: to come into being throughevolution
