Father's Day 2018

Because I know there are so many people who have mixed to unpleasant feelings about their dads, I wanted to share this. It was heavy on me today. The man in this photo is my step-dad. He and my mom, at one point, had a beautiful, loving marriage. He and my mom also had a toxic, unhealthy marriage. Today, he and mom are no longer married, and I am happy about that. In all cases, my brothers and I witnessed it all. My stepdad and I are no longer close, but as evidenced by this photo, there was a time I absolutely adored him. No one, not even me and I have tried, can convince me it was not mutual and authentic. There were times he said hurtful things no parent should ever say to a child, and I said highly disrespectful things that should never be said to a parent. There are painful experiences in our relationship that took a lot of time, introspection, and forgiveness to move past. Now we are not forced to interact with one another. We don't have to, but we still occasionally call or text each other to make sure the other knows he/she is loved. Anthony taught me things that make me a better human. He taught me things about family, culture, individuality, society, and life that I cannot disregard or discard and have no desire to. I am who I am because my father is Lee and my stepfather is Anthony. I cannot be unshaped by my father or stepfather, and I do not wish to be. I believe with everything in me that all of my experiences with these two men, good or bad, make me more equipped for my destiny. So today I called my stepdad and told him "Happy Father's Day" simply because my relation to him impacts who I am. While I am a work in progress, I like who I am and who I am becoming. Denying my fathers' impact on my being creates a form of inner chaos and dysfunction.

For those with strained father relationships, be encouraged. Forgiveness is possible even if a relationship is unlikely or undesired. I think forgiveness for our parents grows us in ways that are shockingly freeing.