There is a standard.

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
1 Corinthians 13:4‭-‬7 NLT

Been LIT

Pretty Girl, don't waste time feeling less than; YOU CERTAINLY SUFFICE. No "glow up" needed; live with pride. Besides, you've been LIT, Loved, Intentional, and Tenacious. Hold your head up and smile big. Seriously girl, you've been LIT!Recognize who you are and honor your being. Recognize whose you are and glorify your Creator. Take your beautiful determination and choose a life of self-lovery. With the self-love you find wear self-acceptance bravely. Then translate internal radiance to external compassion
and watch your light make illumination happen.

I know a gentleman.

I remember the night I took this picture. I primped. I did my version of getting cute. I even decided to carry a purse.

A young man invited me to dinner, and I was excited to accompany him. We had interesting conversations on an array of topics. He seemed rather intelligent and respectful. I actually looked forward to our dinner; it was my first post-divorce, mid-twenties, "real" date.

He picked me up on time, opened the car door, and offered compliments. He drove safely which was a big deal to me. He effortlessly weaved through subjects during the 20 minute plus drive to the restaurant. It was Salsa Night. Although he wanted to dance, he was understanding when I apologetically declined. We sat, ate, sipped, and talked. Things were going well.

It was disappointing when his true intentions were revealed. As the evening progressed, it became clear to me what he wanted. I was actually taken back. Upset, I discreetly requested an Uber and abruptly ended the date when the car arrived.

Often times it is difficult to determine motives. It is not always easy to establish the true reason(s) someone wants to know you and enter your life. I know as a teenager and young woman I was wrong about intentions, motives, and hearts more than once especially when it came to young men. Even so, I finally came to know, really know, a Gentleman...

I know someone who waits with readiness to give not anxiousness to get. I know someone who loves without condition and terms. I know someone who wants to spend time with you without any hidden, wrong, or selfish intentions. I know someone who cares about your being and heart. I know someone who wants to be your lifelong companion.  I know Jesus.

At the end of the evening with that young man, I sat in my apartment and cried. They were tears of disappointment and frustration. I was not ready to have to spend my time decoding people and fiercely protecting myself. (Dating requires both.)

Today, I still cry. Sometimes I can't help it. In fact, I cried all throughout church today, but these tears are different. I cry today because I am acutely aware how deeply, purely, and unconditionally loved I am by the loving, consistent, awe-inspiring Creator of all. I didn't have to do anything. I didn't have to sleep with anyone. I didn't have to give anything. 

I am loved because I am His, and He is Love.

Do you know that you are loved, seen, and valued by The I Am? For God so loved you and me that He gave His only Son; whosoever believes in Christ will not perish but have eternal life. Trust me; He does not disappoint. God is so faithful.

Men can be beautiful.

You are beautiful. I know you believe beauty is reserved for femininity, but you're wrong. You are beautiful. Like the lines of my most favorite poems, you are beautiful. Like the Creator's sky, moon, stars, and sun, you are beautiful. Like the voice of India Arie, you are beautiful. Like the coos, smiles, and face of my niece, you are beautiful. You are beautiful. I know you think beauty starts and stops with women, but men can be beautiful too, and I find all the elements of beauty in you.

You've been raised.

While on Oprah's Masterclass, Dr. Maya Angelou recalled the time when she, a seventeen year old, single mother, told her mom, Vivian "Lady" Baxter, she was leaving home. Ms. Baxter's response was perfect, empowering, and comforting. It is quite a jewel to impart to a young person.

"You've been raised...Don't let anybody raise you."

I have been raised. Everything my parents know was shared with me, and as they continue to gain more information, knowledge, and wisdom, the sharing continues. When previously held beliefs change, they share. When they have a strong conviction about something, they share. They are dynamic people. As they grow and change, I benefit from every lesson, trial, win, loss, experience, and observation. I am grateful for that. I've been raised. I know right from wrong. I will not allow anyone else to raise me.

It is important to understand who your wise counsel is composed of and be firm in your convictions. This world is great at trying to convince us that everything lies in gray areas. I know everything is not black or white, but I also know where my unambiguity lies. These are the areas with good judgment, my parents' counsel, and the Holy Spirit's guidance there is no wavering. I have been raised.

"Train up a child in the way he should go, teaching him to seek God’s wisdom and will for his abilities and talents, Even when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6 AMP

Two Things #6

I am taking a Nutrition class this semester, and I keep mentally rehashing one of the things I read. That excerpt from Perspectives in Nutrition by Wardlaw is pictured above. Please read it.

At around 6:30 this morning, jolted from sleep by a dream, the differences between hunger and appetite came to me again. I've retained the information for academic purposes, but its applicability to spiritual life is so good. I see parallels between hunger and appetite and the spirit and flesh. I also find it interesting that one is physiological and the other psychological. There is more, so many connections to be made, and I look forward to digging deeper into the Word to discover and examine the topic further.

Today I wanted to share this...

Two things:
(1) Hunger and appetite are powerful. In order to be spiritually effective we have to know the differences between them, apply discernment to determine the driving force behind a desire, and utilize wisdom to choose who, how, when, what and where to achieve satiety. Most importantly, we have to stay hungry for right standing with God and rely on the guidance of the Holy Spirit.  See Matthew 5:6 KJV & Galatians 5:16 NLT

(2) We have to practice discipline and be willing to deny both hunger and appetite. We have to fast, and the Bible is not mute on this matter. See Matthew 4:4 MEV, Mark 9:28‭-‬29 AMPC, and 2 Timothy 1:7 AMP

10.3 Eating Behavior Regulation

Two factors drive our desire to eat: hunger and appetite (Fig. 10-6). Hunger, the physiological drive to find and eat food, is controlled primarily by internal body mechanisms, such as organs, hormones, hormonelike factors, and the nervous system.11 Appetite, the psychological drive to eat, is affected mostly by external factors that encourage us to eat, such as social custom, time of day, mood (e.g., feeling sad or happy), memories of pleasant tastes, and the sight of a tempting dessert.

Internal and external signals that drive hunger and appetite generally operate simultaneously and lead us to decide whether to reject or eat a food...Although hunger and appetite are closely intertwined, they don’t always coincide. Almost everyone has encountered a mouthwatering dessert and devoured it, even on a full stomach. Alternately, there are times when we are hungry but have no appetite for the food being served. Where food is ample, appetite—not hunger—mostly triggers eating.

Fulfilling either or both drives by eating sufficient food normally brings a state of satiety, in which we feel satisfaction and no longer have the drive to eat. The hypothalamus, a portion of the brain, is the key integration site for the regulation of satiety (Fig. 10-7)...If these internal signals stimulate the satiety centers of the hypothalamus, we stop eating. If they stimulate the feeding centers in the hypothalamus, we eat more.11 Surgery and some cancers and chemicals can harm the hypothalamus. Damage to the satiety center causes humans to become obese, whereas damage to the feeding center inhibits eating and eventually leads to weight loss.

Thankful.

This year I am most grateful for the people who bring much love, kindness, joy, friendship, and encouragement in my life. I love you all.

Buzz Free

Her friends say "You're not even trying," and she tells them they're absolutely right. Truth be told, she "tried" most of her life and received fleeting attention from people who couldn't see her light. She learned the hard way that ego wasn't worthy of her time. She learned through heartbreak that its strokes only pacified, so she stopped putting out honey, saw the dissipation of flies, and fell in love with the buzz free life.

Make it better.

"Errian, what am I going to do with my life?"

"Make it better." -Errian

It was Wednesday, November 25, 2015, the night before our last Thanksgiving together. I was talking to you and not too certain you could hear me. We listened to soft worship music. I read and sang to you. I held your hand. I cried and spoke with God. It was heartbreaking. You, my boisterous, force-to-be-reckoned-with, hip, confident Granny, were so still and quiet.

That night I couldn't help but think of the Thanksgiving a couple of years prior. I called and told you we were not going to make it to Dallas. I can't remember if it was Marcus or Kedrick who texted me "Man, now Granny talking bout' she ain't going to cook." I felt awful and loved, but mostly awful. I should have been there. Although I regret missing that moment and others, I will always be thankful for the time spent at your bedside in that hospital.

You loved to feed us; it was one of the ways you loved on us. On our plates, whatever the meal, we always had a slice of bread and sliver of fresh onion. (I am convinced you created my love for onions!) Thanksgiving has always felt like you to me, and it has not been the same without hearing your voice, seeing your face, or eating your food.

Today, I am certain you can hear me where you are in this universe. Know that you are missed and loved, always and forever, Granny Gloria Jean...

My prayer for everyone who is missing anyone this Holiday season is that you experience a profound comfort and peace that remedies the deep sadness and loss.

My prayer for everyone with loved ones is that you realize the beauty and gift in being able to talk to, see, Facetime, hug, kiss, cook for, eat with, and enjoy the people most precious to you.

Though it often has deceptively long feel, life is short.

People...

Everyone wants to be regular, but no one wants to take care of public restrooms. 😑😒🙄

Proverbs 4:23‭-‬27 MSG

Keep vigilant watch over your heart; that’s where life starts. Don’t talk out of both sides of your mouth; avoid careless banter, white lies, and gossip. Keep your eyes straight ahead; ignore all sideshow distractions. Watch your step, and the road will stretch out smooth before you. Look neither right nor left; leave evil in the dust.

Credit

One of my goals is to achieve and maintain an 800+ credit score. I'm not there yet, but I will be one day. Since my semi-obsession with credit began, there are a few things I learned that I wanted to share. I'm no expert. I am still learning, and if you have tips, please share.

(1) Pay your bills on time! Late payments cause credit worthiness to plummet. (I once forgot to pay an in-store credit card, and I kid not, my score dropped over 30 points. Shout out to the customer service rep who helped me when I called boohooing about that absent-minded mistake. He's the real MVP.) A good payment history is a vital necessity!

(2) You can get a copy your credit report for free every 12 months from Equifax, Experian, and Transunion. When I was in high school, my uncle advised me to use one free report every quarter.

(3) Hard inquiries, when your report is pulled by a potential lender because you've applied for credit, can negatively impact your score. (They stay on your report for 2 years.)

(4) Credit utilization matters! (Even when you're paying your balance off every month) If the total limit of all your credit and retail cards is $10,000 , for example, and your credit and retail debt is $9,000, you have 90% credit utilization. (Yikes!) You want to keep it below 30%.

(5) When you cosign for a loan, it will report on and impact your credit. It's considered a joint account, and you are a borrower.

(6) Comb through your credit report. Are there any items on there from when you were a minor? Are there accounts you don't recognize?  Dispute them!

(7) I started my credit journey with a credit starter loan when I was 18. The line of credit was low and the interest was high, but I paid them timely every month. They actually reported to the credit bureau. To date, that starter loan is still helping my credit by aging my credit history.

(8) Avoid collections! They hurt your credit and stay on your report for 7 years. If you have a collections, pay it off and keep the receipt. (You will need it.)

(9) Pay important, credit impacting items with methods that can be tracked. (I once had an apartment report a collections. I was able to resolve it quickly because I had documentation that I paid the fee via money order.)

(10) Sign up for a credit tracker. Credit Works by @experian is definitely my friend. I love it. It's affordable, and the app is easy to use and functional. If you have a credit card, it's likely that they may a free credit tracking service available to you. Inquire about it.

Sidenote:
When I become a mother, I plan on adding my teenage children as authorized users to my credit cards with the largest limits so reporting can began on their credit. (As I currently foresee it, they won't actually have access to cards.) If I had been mindful of this a long time ago, I would have done it for my younger brothers.

Pride, Anger, and Selfishness

Talk Back

He said "Remember I know what you did,"
so I reminded him what was done.
The Father, generous in love,
gave His only Son. (John 3:16)
"I have been redeemed, (Ephesians 1:7)
and I will not stand accused. (Romans 8:1)
I've been bought with the same blood
that conquered sin, death, and you. (Revelations 1:18)
I am under grace; (Romans 6:14)
everyday His mercies are new, (Lamentations 3:22-23)
and my sins are as far as the
east from the west removed. (Psalms 103:12)
Not today Satan! (James 4:7)
The Lord rebukes you." (Zechariah 3:2)

Two Things #5

On September 21st I prayed for direction on a matter I was uncertain about. On September 22nd, I went to work, and this cross was on my desk. I was instantly reminded of the Psalms 46:10.: "Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." (Psalms 46:10 MEV)

I knew in my knower that "be still" was the answer to my prayer. If I'm being honest, it was not the answer I hoped to received. What I truly wanted was to get what I wanted with no pressue. The answer meant going through the struggle not around it, so with every twist, turn, and challenge, from that day until now, I've looked for ways to do any and everything but be still. I also tried to discredit and reason the answer to death.:

"Was it really an answer to my prayer?" "It could have just been a coincidence." "I mean the devil heard that prayer too. I prayed aloud. He could be trying to distract me."

Friday, I received the following message: "Good morning sweetheart. I've been praying for you and this morning I felt your fears and uncertainty. For what the Holy Spirit revealed to me, I didn't pray peace, your fear isn't irrational; but, I prayed that you find purpose for the fear and fight."

It was confirmation. This is what I know. I am experiencing pressure; it is uncomfortable, but I'm not supposed to run from this challenge. I need to be still, know that God is God, and watch Him be exalted. I need to know that there is a purpose for this particular fight. And, I needed know that my feelings of fear, uncertainty, and anxiety were valid and mattered.

Two things:
(1) He knows. See Hebrews 4:15‭-‬16 (2) He cares. See 1 Peter 5:7

Purpose

The elephant in your conscience
The things that keeps you humble
The biggest mistakes you've made
The secrets you're carrying to the grave
The actions that brought embarrassment
The skeletons hidden deep in your closet
The failures that hurt your confidence
The losses that shaped your countenance
The trials that tested your perseverance
This life that's proved you're resilience...
One day, you'll look back on it all
and finally know the cause.

Flowers In My Hair

"Pay close attention, friend, to what your father tells you; never forget what you learned at your mother’s knee. Wear their counsel like flowers in your hair, like rings on your fingers." Proverbs 1:8‭-‬9 MSG

"But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, will teach you everything and remind you of all that I told you.  Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." John 14:26‭-‬27 MEV

*The photo I coupled with my poem is a Dazhane Leah image.

Kaleidoscope

They all look the same, and everybody agrees that they "slay." Lately she's been comparing herself to They and trying to find them in her style, body, and face. Popular culture is not inclusive; it champions monochromatic standards of beauty. She's young, impressionable, and vulnerable to what They think. We prioritized acceptance and neglected self-esteem. We taught her that pretty privilege was all that mattered, so when They came for her, her self-image shattered. She gave in. Conformity cautioned "Follow the trends," and peer pressure celebrated yet another win...

Those flaws add humanity to your divine soul. Though it seems beyond your control, you are empowered with no. Don't force yourself in to any cookie-cutter mold. Self-love gives you the best glow, and you wear confidence better than name brand clothes. Be you; beauty will always be kaleidoscope.

Always

Every morning he asks her "How did you sleep?" He calls "Pretty Girl" daily and brings her mint tea. He's read every piece that she's wrote and tells her one day she'll sit across from Oprah. He checks on her mom just because and knows which ice cream her grandmother loves. He prays with her. He makes her laugh. He leaves her notes. He's approved by her dad. He listens when she speaks. He's attentive to the little things. When she voices concerns, he makes adjustments. He tries his best; it's obvious he loves her. To the best friend that girl's ever had: She hopes you know she loves you back...

Shine on

It is important to understand that when others tell your story, from whatever perspective they hold, they may only highlight your falls. Don't lose any peace about it. You shine light on each and every ascent with your presence, resilience, determination, humility, growth, and character. Disparagement often contextualizes triumphs. When your past is made public and mistakes brought to everyone's attention, your progress is also on full display. When the depth of your fall is apparent the height of your victory can be fully appreciated.
P.S.
Those who look to God will shine; their faces are never ashamed. Chin up! Shine on. You are so much more than shortcomings. 🖤

Pray for Sutherland Springs, Texas

Let's keep First Baptist Church, the community of Sutherland Springs, Texas, and all the people impacted are in our thoughts and prayers.

Two Things #4

In high school I committed this to memory, and today, a particularly challenging day, it came to remembrance. As I reflected on the last sentence, I thought on a few scriptures.

"Now the Lord is the Spirit. And where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty." 2 Corinthians 3:17 MEV

"So we know the love that God has for us, and we trust that love. God is love. Everyone who lives in love lives in God, and God lives in them." 1 John 4:16 ERV

"Where God’s love is, there is no fear, because God’s perfect love take away fear..." 1 John 4:18 ERV

Love, living in Love, is the only thing that can liberate us from our deepest fear. It’s the only thing that never fails; Love is the Divine in all of us. The Bible says that God is Love assuring us that where Love is there is also liberty. Where Love is there is no fear as Love has the supreme ability to bear all things, believe all things, hope all things, and endure all things. (1 Corinthians 13:7 MEV) When we live in Love, God lives in us, and our presence becomes supernaturally endowed to liberate others.

Two Things...

(1) I often relate 1 Corinthians 13 to the manner in which I love God and others, the first and second of the greatest commandments, but I failed to turn this love inward. It just did not occur to me that a requirement for radiating love outwardly is harvesting love inwardly. (Mark 12:31 and Ephesians 5:28 mark self-love as point-of-reference for loving other people.)

(2) Do not allow fear to encumber you. Fear is not from our Heavenly Father. It is not one of His good and perfect gifts, and the Bible is clear on this. "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity or cowardice or fear, but He has given us a spirit of power and of love and of sound judgment and personal discipline, abilities that result in a calm, well-balanced mind and self-control." (2 TIMOTHY 1:7 AMP) Make manifest the glory of God that is within you. Do not be afraid! (See Isaiah 41:10)

Push!

The pressure is mounting. You're afraid that you will fail. Taking it little by little, you can't see the next step. This hurts, but pain is apart of giving birth. The light created when you finally reside in purpose will make the complications of the labor experience worth it. -LeKechia Lyshell

Proverbs 15:1

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. -ESV

A soft and gentle and thoughtful answer turns away wrath, But harsh and painful and careless words stir up anger. -AMP

A sensitive answer turns back wrath, but an offensive word stirs up anger. -CEB

A gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles a temper-fire. -MSG

A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. -KJV

Love's Requirements

no hidden motives,
wrong intentions,
or petty competitions
no envy or bitterness,
no selfish desires
or covetousness,
no malice, no deceit,
no slander or hypocrisy
no ill will or resentment
no strife, no haughtiness
no anger, no hate...
Don't keep any of it!
Put those things away.

My Heart's Prayer

Father help me to be grateful this day. Help me to think on Your Word always. You are so faithful; You have been good. Help my heart, Father; I desire to love You as I should. Father forgive me for all my complaints. I focused on trials while standing in Your grace. Time after time You rescued me, and I know there's refuge under Your wings. Father, You are my redeemer and strength. In You, I live, move, and have my being. Praise to You, Father! I am fearfully and wonderfully made and lavished with a love that never separates. Thank You for the privilege of knowing You as a Father. Help me to bring You glory, praise, and honor.