My dad and I lived in separate households when I was younger. Whenever he saw me, before the end of our time together, he almost always asked me if I needed money. When I responded yes, he would ask "How much?"
I hated the question. It put me on the spot. It made me feel uncomfortable, so I fumbled. In my mind I would try to think of the perfect, most reasonable number. After a brief pause, I'd typically request 10, 15, or 20 dollars.
It never failed that my dad would pull out a wad of cash, and upon seeing that he had plenty to give, I'd ask "Can I change my answer?" The moment would turn very serious as my dad emphatically went on to say something like "No, LeKechia. You sold yourself short. You could have asked for you wanted, and I would have given you what I could. You've got to learn to value yourself. Money doesn't mean nothing to your Daddy, but you do. Ask for what you want."
Every time, he only gave me what I requested, and every time I wished I had given a different answer. I never did. Even as a young girl, I associated asking for too much with being inconsiderate, selfish, or unreasonable. I now know that my dad was trying to get me to understand that often people don't ask for what they want because they ask for what they think they deserve. If they undervalue themselves, they will always receive less.
My dad and I live in different cities now, and the last time I saw him was few months ago. At some point while hanging out, I said "Daddy, ask me if I need money and how much." He didn't dare. He and I both know that I finally got the lesson and at twenty-six years old I have no qualms about asking for what I want/need. I would have requested an obscene amount for the hell of it. We laughed a good, hearty laugh when he said "Nah. I won't be asking you that."
Thanks for all the lessons Papa Lee. Happy Father's Day!
