Period.

I bled through my pants yesterday. It wasn't the first time and probably won't be the last; nevertheless I was embarrassed. I started menstruating at 11. It's been 15 years of heavy flows, cramps, pads, and occasional leaks. How does something so natural, so common, and so feminine make me feel so self-conscious? It's no secret that women have periods.  We menstruate. It's not the most enjoyable or glorious part of womanhood, but it's a necessary inconvenience.

It's not nasty; it's protective. It's not disgusting; it's regulatory. It should not be embarrassing! It's not a taboo subject, and it doesn't have to be a secretive occurrence. Yet and still I deliberated about sharing this, and I almost did not. I felt a tinge of impropriety by openly discussing my period. I'm over it. There will be no more resentment of the fact that I have a period or stress about its presence. If my Always should fail me, you may know I'm on my period. That’s no cause for me to feel shame.

The female body is incredible. Among other things, it's capable of producing food and housing humans. Women are among "a handful of species" on Earth that menstruate, and, in cyclical fashion, our bodies do some awesome biological stuff. My period won't be the elephant in my pants any longer. From now until menopause, I'm embracing my menses. I'm celebrating the fact that my body is a wonder even during the 3 to 7 days each month when it's so disappointed that all of its preparation for pregnancy was wasted on me.

In All Your Ways

I went from refuting God's existence to affirming God's presence, power, love, and hands in my life. It's only been about two months since the latter happen. The good thing about where I was versus where I am is that the memory is fresh. Even if no one else knows or understands, I know well what was happening in my heart and life that brought me to the point of faithlessness. I know well the build-up of trauma, pain, and anger that created the frustration I had. You know who else knows it and knows it well? Jesus. The Bible says "we don’t have a priest who is out of touch with our reality. He’s been through weakness and testing, experienced it all—all but the sin. (Hebrews 4:15 MSG)

It helped me to know, really know, that God, the awe-inspiring Creator of everything, knows me fully, sees me clearly, and loves me completely. People are not like that. People look at appearance and actions to determine how much love and grace another is deserving of, but God looks at the heart which He knows with a complete knowledge. He's not missing any information. He does not have misinformation either. When God sees you and me, He sees us in light of everything we are and everything we've experienced. In fact, 1 Kings 8:39 says "...for you know each life from the inside. You’re the only one with such “inside knowledge!"

Proverbs 3:5‭-‬6 is a well-known, commonly quoted scripture. Most of us have heard it. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5‭-‬6 (NKJV) My favorite part is verse 6, the encouragement to acknowledge God "in all your ways." The Amplified Bible translates it this way: "In all your ways know and acknowledge and recognize Him, And He will make your paths straight and smooth [removing obstacles that block your way]. (Proverbs 3:6 AMP)

I don't have to be perfect. I don't have to be sin-free. I don't have to look like anyone's version of Saint. In all of my ways, I can know, accept, and recognize God. While I'm trusting Him, not relying on my incomplete understanding, and acknowledging Him in all my ways, He's working things out, removing obstacles that block my path, and making my path straight. The same is true for you.

We cannot allow others' criticism of our beings, lives, and behaviors deter us from knowing God. Let's move through life understanding that they do not have the full picture; they don't have the "inside knowledge." God does, and He gives us the opportunity to "walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give," so let's "take the mercy, accept the help" this Sunday and everyday. (Hebrews 4:16 MSG)

How much?

My dad and I lived in separate households when I was younger. Whenever he saw me, before the end of our time together, he almost always asked me if I needed money. When I responded yes, he would ask "How much?"

I hated the question. It put me on the spot. It made me feel uncomfortable, so I fumbled. In my mind I would try to think of the perfect, most reasonable number. After a brief pause, I'd typically request 10, 15, or 20 dollars.

It never failed that my dad would pull out a wad of cash, and upon seeing that he had plenty to give, I'd ask "Can I change my answer?" The moment would turn very serious as my dad emphatically went on to say something like "No, LeKechia. You sold yourself short. You could have asked for you wanted, and I would have given you what I could. You've got to learn to value yourself. Money doesn't mean nothing to your Daddy, but you do. Ask for what you want."

Every time, he only gave me what I requested, and every time I wished I had given a different answer. I never did. Even as a young girl, I associated asking for too much with being inconsiderate, selfish, or unreasonable. I now know that my dad was trying to get me to understand that often people don't ask for what they want because they ask for what they think they deserve. If they undervalue themselves, they will always receive less.

My dad and I live in different cities now, and the last time I saw him was few months ago. At some point while hanging out, I said "Daddy, ask me if I need money and how much." He didn't dare. He and I both know that I finally got the lesson and at twenty-six years old I have no qualms about asking for what I want/need. I would have requested an obscene amount for the hell of it.  We laughed a good, hearty laugh when he said "Nah. I won't be asking you that."

Thanks for all the lessons Papa Lee. Happy Father's Day!

Unnecessary Insults

If growing up is painful for the Southern Black girl, being aware of her displacement is the rust on the razor that threatens the throat. It is an unnecessary insult.”
-I Know Why The Caged Birds Sings

I titled my blog Unnecessary Insults because when I read the above quote from Maya Angelou, I got it. It's relatable. “Unnecessary insults” are equal opportunists. They come in varying situations and severities, but we all receive them. Each of us know what it's like to go through unpleasant, hurtful, upsetting, and downright rude experiences.

I see "rust on the razor that threatens the throat" of so many of us. Life is happening. The unnecessary insults are piling on, and it's all so frustrating. You go through crap after crap, trial after trial, loss after loss, and it all starts to seems malicious. It's like life has a razor at your throat, threatening your peace, progress, happiness, security, success, hopes, and well-being, and you notice, in that terrifying moment, that it's trying to give you tetanus too.

The Bible says that "all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28 KJV) My favorite translation, The Message, says it like this: "That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good."

It sounds good, but if we're honest, sometimes it's like I don't want "it" to work for my good. I want "it" not to happen! When some of the "details in our lives" are really, really painful, it's difficult to see how it could ever be used for good.

I know that feeling. I have had moments praying and crying "God how can this ever be worked into something good? How can this heartbreak be worked into something good? How can my divorce be worked into good? How can my miscarriage be worked into something good? How can my Granny's death be worked into something good? How can this wrong, bad choice I've made be worked into something good?"

Sometimes Romans 8:28 seems like an unnecessary insult, and I get it. Here's the thing. Maybe, not tomorrow or even this year, but maybe one day you'll be sitting across from someone who has the figurative razor at his/her throat, and you'll know exactly what to say to be encouraging. Maybe you'll encounter another difficulty with confidence because you know you've been through worse and will get through it too. Maybe, even after all the unnecessary insults, you'll be a wiser, more compassionate, generous, loving version of yourself. Maybe one one day you'll chip the nails you've been so happy to grow and see a story.

To me, it's in these sometimes subtle ways that God actually is working "every detail in our lives" "into something good."

The Turnaround

Conversations With Self: Don't Call

Keep It

Even if you mastered 

my apology language 

and were able to fluently 

apologize in Kechia, 

you could still keep it. 

I forgave you 

for the sake of me; 

no apologies needed. 

Keep sorry on your lips 

and away from my ears. 

Really, it's an apology 

that I don't need to hear. 

This is not about unforgiveness, 

bitterness, or anger;

it's about acceptance, 

growth, and making changes.

Some apologies only 

open toxic doors, 

so I'll keep mine.

I insist you keep yours...

Choose You

There's this little girl, the most fascinating girl I know. She's deserving of a million yeses in a world apt to tell her no. No, she can't excel or be her authentic self. No, she can't stand out or go against the crowd. I wrote this poem for her, and I hope she digests every word. I wrote this poem for the girl who can defeat the world. I hope she hears this affirmation if ever she doubts herself. I hope she believes this truth when presented with something else. You are good enough, brave enough, smart enough, pretty enough, and so much more than enough. You can be whoever you choose; it's my hope you always choose you.

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Pride and Preservation

Confession

"For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard."
Romans 3:23 NLT

"In the same way, there is more joy in heaven over one lost sinner who repents and returns to God than over ninety-nine others who are righteous and haven’t strayed away!"
Luke 15:7 NLT

Cards

My favorite gift to receive is a card with a written note. I love cards. When they're given to me, I cherish them. Occasionally, on particularly difficult days, I take them out of safekeeping, pile them on the floor, and just sit and read. Inevitably, I cry, but I always laugh. I absorb all of the good things people have spoken over me and my life.

I am reminded that I am loved, special, and meaningful. I am reminded that kind acts and words are never in vain. I am reminded of all the people I've connected with over the years. I am reminded to be grateful for each of them. I am reminded of bright and happy days. I see God's loving hands in these cards.

I like to imagine that He knew I would read and re-read them over and over throughout my life, so He gently guided these individuals as they made their selections and quietly spoke to them as they wrote the notes.

"Happy Valentine's Day Big Sister...God will bless you, you what and see."
This card was made by my youngest brother so very long ago. I laugh every time at "what and see." How adorable!

The Happy Birthday booklet made by my cousin Denise for my 17th birthday is one of my favorites. It's so thoughtful.

Sister Key gave me the last card, and it was definitely a God thing. One day, at church she handed me a card. When I opened it, it had $40. It was another young lady's birthday, and I assumed she just gave it to the wrong person. After church I told her, "I think you gave this to me by mistake. It's not my birthday; it's Angela's." Sister Key smiled at me and said it was no mistake at all as she gave me a hug. The card read "Just wanted you to know the Lord brought you to mind today." Oh how I needed that that day.

Untitled

I love you too much to let another come between us. Before I share you with anyone else, I'll make sure he is a good one. I won't trivialize you again by making you the theme to impermanence. I won't abandon you again because you bring to remembrance something that shouldn't have been. I love you too much to share you with fools, so I'll make sure what we have stays between us two. And when I finally introduce you to someone, you and I will both have confidence that it's the one. And you'll play beautifully, loudly, and on repeat. And I'll sing with happiness that another means as much to me as you do.
-Dear Favorite Song

Purpose Over Partnering

"Do two people walk hand in hand if they aren’t going to the same place?" Amos 3:3‭ MSG

I know that life.

I know that life. I've lived that life. I was miserable in that life. I don't want that life anymore. I want an abundant, rich, satisfying, full life that I enjoy living. Even though I come short; though I'm far from perfect, I want to live God's way. For me that means wholeheartedly loving God, people, and myself while making consistent decisions for wholeness.

"But what happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely." Galatians 5:22‭ MSG

"The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life."
John 10:10 NLT

"For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God..."
Romans 3:23 MEV

"Jesus said, 'Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.’ This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: ‘Love others as well as you love yourself.’ These two commands are pegs; everything in God’s Law and the Prophets hangs from them.”
Matthew 22:37‭-‬40 MSG

Get To Work

It takes approximately five minutes to get from my home to my job. I have a small, fuel-efficient car, and driving is a fast, affordable option. If I utilize public transportation, it takes an hour and twenty-nines minutes and the $0.75 bus fare to get to work . If I request an Uber, it takes five minutes and cost $5.65. If I walk, it's free, but it takes twenty minutes.

In each of these scenarios, I start at the same location, my home, and the destination is the same, my job. Rather I take my car, the bus, an Uber, or walk, I can make it to my desired end. Each choice, however, has different energy, time, and resource tolls.

The route you choose can cost you more. In ignorance, foolishness, unpreparedness, hardheadedness, pride, procrastination, naivety, rebellion, etcetera, we often make choices that make the journey more expensive. That's the painful part of growth. Tonight I asked myself the following question.:

"What has it cost you?"

"Analyze your mistakes. You already paid for the tuition, you may as well get the lesson." This isn't just a nice social media sentiment. It's truth. Regardless of how you're travelling; rather it costs you $0.75 or $5.65; if it takes you five minutes or over an hour, make it there. Get to work!

Audacity of Equality

YESSSSSS!!! 👏✊ Have the audacity of equality. Diversity isn't enough. Hasan's Homecoming King is amazing! Watch it folks.
#Americans #weareallAmericans #atheists #buddist #christians #hindus #muslims #nativeamericans #africanamericans #asianamericans #europeanamericans #latinoamericans #women #men #LGBTQ  #rich #poor #weareAmericanstoo #equality #audacity #audacityofequality #netflix #homecomingking #comedy #truth

Home Sweet Home

As a bona fide homebody, I love this! What an amazing thing to be able to genuinely say. This is a great reminder to fill your home with things you care about and reinforce it as your sanctuary of love, happiness, and peace. May our homes feel like home in the best, most positive, most comforting sense of the word. 🖤