Shout out: Friendships

Shout out to friendships, new and old, that challenge, support, and elevate individuals. ❤🙌🥂

Purposeful Pathways

The wrong turns, every mistake,
All the things I wanted to pray away,
The heartbreaks, the ups and downs,
Each and every turnaround,
Frustration, disappointments, and tears,
The obstacles I've met over the years,
Relationships that didn't last,
Every individual in my past,
Being faith-filled and unbelieving,
Lying to others and self-deceiving,
Throwing stones in hypocrisy,
A dire need for grace and mercy,
Drawing red lines and crossing them,
Enduring things I shouldn't have,
Being the worst version of me,
Defeat, after defeat, after defeat,
Everything I wanted to escape...
It was all a part of a purposeful pathway.
All the things I wished I could change
Provided wisdom, humility, and strength,
Fresh compassion for the shoes others walk in,
And gratefulness for the journey I have taken.
-LeKechia Lyshell

Dear Old Friend

Dear Old Friend,
I cannot stand by your side
and walk with you through this.
I cannot embrace you in my arms
or give you the comfort of my love.
I cannot look into your eyes
and help you find courage within yourself.
I cannot pull you out of that toxicity.
I cannot make you understand you are
the person I know you to be.
I cannot be there for you;
that is no longer my position.
Love for myself requires this distance,
but when you hurt, I still feel it.
I wish I could help heal it,
but I cannot ease your pain,
so I say special prayers for you.
I mention you by name
and ask God to do for you what I can’t,
carry you in your weakness
and keep you safe in His hands.
I told you I always want the best for you;
I meant it.
I told you I will always love you,
but it has to be from a distance.
I’m doing the only thing I can do for you.
I’m doing what I know is best to do.
Dear Old Friend, I’m praying for you.

31 Thirty

She turns heads.
There's no denying that they find her physically exciting.
The admiration, once flattering, is curbed by perspective.
She know she deserves more than fleeting attention.
"Catching eyes is easy" she reminds herself.
Confident she can capture something else,
She keeps it moving,
She has no interest in
Conquering with beauty.

"Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades."
Proverbs 31:30 MSG

Happy Monday

Introspection

Suicide is no laughing matter.

My mother had a serious suicide attempt on October 17, 2007. Almost 10 years later, I still remember that day, how I found out, my thoughts, and the utter, almost destabilizing, fear of losing my mom. It was probably the worst, most difficult, scariest day of my life.

Suicide is no laughing matter. EVER. Even if the person did horrible things, suicide is a tragedy 100% of the time. It's the 10th leading cause of death in our country and the 3rd leading cause of death for young people ages 15 to 24. It's a "serious public health problem that can have lasting harmful effects on individuals, families, and communities."

As the daughter of someone who experienced a crisis, as a woman who has been in crisis, I cannot fathom how today has been a field day for the internet. Have some fucking compassion. No matter who people become or what decisions they make, they may have someone grieving their loss.

"Get immediate help.
If you think you may hurt yourself or attempt suicide, get help right away by taking one of these actions:
• Call your mental health specialist.
• Call a suicide hotline number — in the United States, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (800-273-8255) to reach a trained counselor. Use that same number and press 1 to reach the Veterans Crisis Line.
• Call 911 or your local emergency number.
• Seek help from your doctor or other health care provider.
• Reach out to a close friend or loved one.
• Contact a minister, spiritual leader or someone else in your faith community."

"National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:
We can all help prevent suicide. The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals. 1-800-273-8255"

Soapbox: Consensual Cunnilingus

NEWSFLASH:
■ Women can be sexual and educated, self-loving, ethical, secure, stable, and successful.
■ Exploration of sexuality does not bar a woman from being a wife. 
■ Every woman does not desire marriage.

Why does society feel authorized to (1) lead the conversation regarding the sexuality of women and (2) dictate to women a biased view on how to express themselves sexually? Can we take a moment to examine this widespread hypocrisy?

Women who explore their sexuality are frequently typecast as "sluts," "whores," "hoes," "tramps," altogether devoid of standards, and undeserving of "good men." Women who abstain from sexual activity are often typecast as "teases," "prudes," "immature," "afraid," "sexually ignorant," or have "impossibly high standards." 

Oh, I see.

Women just need to maintain a socially acceptable amount of sexuality. We need to pique sexual interests while being careful not to display overt sexual attitudes and behaviors. We don't need to make anyone feel uncomfortable by the knowledge that women, like men, are sexual beings. 😩🤔🙄

Fuck that, sexism, and imposed gender norms! While we are at the expletive portion of this rant, fuck heteronormativity too! Society take your double standards; we do not need them. If you don’t have a vagina, please stop policing them. Unless you are engaged in consensual cunnilingus, keep your nose out of a woman's intimate business.

Lyshell & Lyshell

I tell you every secret;
your countenance never changes.
The consistency of your compassion
lessens my guilt and shame.
You listen to my stories,
patiently revisit the years,
provide perspective, encourage acceptance,
highlight victories, and reduce fears.
Your confidence that "God will see you through this" does not waiver;
Your love for your imperfect daughter cannot be shaken.
When I arrive wherever this journey leads
and become the woman you knew I could be,
I'll be as grateful for you then as I am today.
Thank you, Mama, forever and always. ❤

Hurt, Apologize, Repeat

Amid a cycle that's damaging,
We keep it going; we're circling.
We've been here before and learned nothing.
Things won't get better, and honestly,
There is no healthy version of you and me.
I'm over apologies and done cycling;
This dysfunction won't become normalcy.

Mirror Observations

Wrapped in a towel, dripping wet from a shower, looking in the bathroom mirror, I notice the curly strands of my afro springing as they do when freshly washed, the scar on my left shoulder reddened from my incessant agitation, and the tattoos on my chest making one of their two daily appearances. There's a little booger on the inside of my nose ring, and the hair on my face is made especially apparent from its wetness. I notice the scarring along my cheek and chin from years of habitual tweezing. I count four shades of unevenly distributed brown and think to myself things like:

"I have to stop showering in those cheap earrings."

"Drinking water is paying off."

"Where is my witch hazel?"

I'm standing here, taking all of me in, when I hear the words that I've heard so many times, clear, forceful, and accosting as they always are. This time, however, it was your voice, and I realize I was not the originator of those thoughts. I don't have to accept and house your words. Your voice fades, diminished by my rejection, and my mirror observations continue...

I smile.

"There is nothing more important to true growth than realizing that you are not the voice of the mind - you are the one who hears it." -Michael A. Singer

Attitude

Today was a terribly long day. It started at 8 am, and if I'm lucky, it'll end by 3 am. I woke up to discover I was locked out of my phone, and it felt like being locked out of my world. The acute awareness that my life is so intertwined to a mobile device only added to my exasperation.

I contacted my carrier and the phone's producer; neither company helped me resolve the issue. I spent the bulk of my day annoyed about my phone, annoyed with technology generally, hangry, sleepy, and in an overall pissy mood. All in all, I concede that this day was not a good one, and I did not put my best foot forward.

It's like that sometimes. As I lie in bed typing this post in my newly reset, unlocked phone, I feel comforted. If I am fortunate, I'll have another shot. I'll close my eyes tonight, get some rest, and reset tomorrow. Thankfully, tomorrow's potential is not decided by today's success.

Tomorrow can be great.

"The longer I love, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company...a church....a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past...we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude...I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you...we are in charge of our attitudes."  -Charles R. Swindoll

Nourish

This definition of nourish is from @merriamwebster. When it comes to relationships, friendships, food, spending habits, careers, and the various other decisions we each face, we should consider if something/ someone nourishes or hinders us.

Will _____ nourish my body?
Will _____ nourish my mind?
Will _____ nourish my spirit?
Will _____ nourish my finances?
Will _____ nourish my physical, mental, and emotional health?
Will _____ further my development?
Will  _____ strengthen me?

If the answer is no, as it so often is, why continue engaging in the behavior or relationship? We know better, and we are capable of doing and choosing better.

Watch Me

I'll defy your one-noted notions of my people
while fully embracing my blackness
and confronting any doubt that we are equals.

I'll make you feel uncomfortable and offer no apologies.
When my presence makes you insecure,
I won't become a muted, shrunken version of me.

I'll meet stereotype threats with hostility,
glare at inferiority, then shine and achieve
like there were never any doubts, pressure, and anxiety.

I'll speak up when you speak out of turn.
I won't sit silently while you say things that are
tactless, stereotypical, hurtful, and wrong.

I'll challenge and educate myself,
stay armed with knowledge, 
read more books, do the research, and
study to prove myself a scholar.

I'll be the woman I want to be,
unrestrained by anyone's idea of femininity,
supportive of the women around me,
aware that my sisters' wins are not threatening.

I'll respect the rights and value of all people,
uproot remnants of prejudice and intolerance, and
affirm the belief that all men and women are created equal.

Watch me.

"The question isn't who is going to let me;
it's who's going to stop me."

Last Stop

Pretty Like My Granny

My Granny, my dad's mother, used to call me to her bedroom, and we'd go into this adjacent side room. She'd get her rolling paper and marijuana, make a joint, and just talk to me. She almost always told me "you're pretty like your Granny" and reminded me that I "don't have to put up with no shit." I really miss that woman. I miss her unconditional love, unabashed conversations, unapologetic confidence, untainted honesty, and uncompromising authenticity. Gloria Jean was truly one of a kind. We lost her on December 21, 2015.

As I was sitting here, thumbing through my photos, critiquing myself, I remembered my Granny. I can only imagine what she'd say knowing that I was being an utter ass to me. Actually, I know what she'd say: "You don't have to put up with no shit." That includes shit from me... I AM pretty like my Granny.

March Weigh In

As I stated in a previous post, "I am firm in my belief that an individual's weight should never determine his/her confidence. It's not an indicator of beauty. It's not a way to measure the quality of person...Right now, in this very moment at this particular weight, I am beautiful. (PERIOD) I am sexy. (PERIOD) I am intelligent. (PERIOD) And, I have fucking awesome moments of being the adorable, complex, bitchy, weird, goofy, sweet, serious, paradoxical, totally human, woman that I am. (PERIOD) I just want to be a healthier version of me, practice discipline, and challenge myself to eat healthier, exercise regularly, and reach my health goals. Sharing this picture won't make any of that happen. I'm aware. For me, right now, this is a way to own it." My goal for the end of March was 214 or less, and I did not meet it. (That's probably why I'm so late sharing. I'm still salty about it. 😩) I'm sticking with it. My goal for the April check in is 210 pounds or less, and I will meet it this time. 💁

P.S.
I am down a total of 18.2 pounds.

Random Post

If your ex wasn't too "nasty, easy, ugly, fat, dirty, broke, disease-ridden, hoe-ish," etcetera for you to have something with her/him, why does she/he have to be all of that when yall aren't together? Do you think you are like Orbit gum, cleaning it up? If so, check yourself and your ego.

You do not have to disparage one woman/man to interact with another one. Besides, women and men who are secure in themselves want to uplift other women and men. That conversation ripping your ex to shreds is unattractive and ineffective.

It's one thing to divulge pertinent information about an ex or past relationship to your current partner, but you shouldn't lead with denouncement of an ex. It is not an ice breaker. Maybe write down some talking points and step your conversation game up.

Review: HBO's Insecure

Each week I waited with an impatient excitement to inhale episodes of HBO's newest hit series, Insecure. "FINALLY," I shouted at my empty living room, thrilled to see characters that resemble me and so many of the women I know and love. Issa and Molly, the hilarious best friend duo that cemented Insecure's spot at the top of my favorites, are young, educated, hard-working, driven, AND black. They are relatable, complex, awkward, beautiful, hilarious young women trying to figure out their stuff which includes life, careers, friendships, men, relationships, and men. (That's no typo.) Viewers, women and men alike, are sure to enjoy this show.

Now you can imagine how excited I was to come across Insecure at the library today. After ranting to coworkers about how our public library understands the needs of black women, I immediately checked it out. Maybe I am a bit dramatic, but it is that good! Besides, who doesn't want to relive great tv?

I feel it my obligation to comedy lovers everywhere, particularly those in the town I live in, to select Insecure for my monthly "staff pick" and announce that this must-see series is now conveniently owned by our local library! Add it to your list. You won't regret it.

P.S.
If you do regret it, I need a detailed list of reasons why, so I can send you a detailed list of rebuttals. 

Book Review: I Have Two Homes

I Have Two Homes, written by Marian De Smet and illustrated by Nynke Talsma, is a touching story about parents separating from the perspective of their little girl, Nina. Being a children's book, it is beautifully written at a child's level of understanding, but it reaches adult readers as well. While reading this "loving picture book," you will want to give Nina the most comforting hug.

I Have Two Homes gives a voice to those who can relate to Nina's experience while also highlighting something so necessary for children to understand:

"Mom and Dad aren't happy with each other anymore. But I know they are very happy with me.

'That will never change, my sweet girl.'
Mom says, and she gives me a big kiss.
'That is forever, my precious one.'
Dad whispers, and he hugs me tightly.

I am Nina.
I have two homes.
It's strange.
But it is nice too."

Nights

The solution to every problem
won't suddenly appear tonight;
the world isn't anchored by
the consciousness of your mind.
You need the rest;
your rejuvenation demands quiet.
Try to settle yourself;
unwind however you desire.
Growing tired is human,
not a sign of weakness,
so close your eyes, darling,
finally let go of sleepless...