Reassurance

Will we drift and grow apart?
Will we stay the way we are?
Will we go deeper in love?
Will we forget about us?
Will we remain friends?
Will we lose in the end?
You're ready to commit,
but can you answer this?

Will we stay the way we are?
We are. We are.
The way we are?
We are. We are.
The way we are?

We will foster closeness.
We will keep growing.
We will mature our love.
We will nurture us.
We will always be friends.
We will ensure the other wins.
I am committed
and confident as I say this.

We will stay the way we are.
We are. We are.
In love: We are. We are. We are.
In trust: We are. We are. We are.
With time: We are.

Contrast

Sometimes, while lying in bed, tired, and unable to sleep, she counts failures. She can count personal failures like others count sheep. "I failed at...I failed at...I failed at...I failed at..." She's counted to tears. She's counted to nausea. She's counted to hysteria. It's a damn mean thing she does to her. She rehearses every pitfall, recounts every poor choice, recites every mistake then marvels when she can't sleep, questions her self-esteem, and wonders why she's self-doubting. Kind to others and awful to self, it's a special kind of crazy creating an exhausting mental hell...Self-love is standing with yourself, in all of your glory and folly, unwavering on your value, worth, and resilience. It's being willing to go toe-to-toe with anything or anyone, including self, who doubts that you, even with your humanity, fragility, and frailty, are created in the image of God. Fierce protection of Precious You from all that alienates self from love births a special type of freedom; it allows for a peaceful liberation. 

Perspective

I weighed myself this morning after a week of the most physical discipline and dietary restraint I've shown in a very long time. I'll reach my 90 day mark of no meat this month. (I want this to be the beginning of lifelong vegetarianism.) I have abandoned sodas and other sugary drinks and adopted more water, unsweetened tea, and lightly sweetened teas. (Fact: I love sweet tea, and I'm talking McDonald's Sweet Tea, sweet.) I worked out 4-5 times this week. Plus, I've gone a week without dairy. (I wanted to challenge myself. Goal Accomplished. 😩😭😂)

This week of good decisions culminated last night when I went to a pizza place with Errian, Heidi, Karina, and Sarah. Everything looked and smelled delicious. (I was salivating.) Errian had a veggie pizza that I wanted to devour, but even the meat pizzas looked and smelled amazingly tempting. I resisted and struggled through a spinach, pecan, and cranberry salad. (I did not eat it all. Its taste could not compete with my preferences.)

Back to this morning...

I stepped on the scale with pride and excitement. "Numbers don't lie." "Surely, I'm going to be rewarded with a minus 1 to 2 pounds." I almost lost it when I saw the number, exactly the same as last week. I didn't lose or gain anything. I was highly ticked and disappointed, but I remembered my measuring tape. (Thank you, Aunt Deb!) While I am not losing the pounds I want to go away, I am losing inches...

It's sometimes like that with spiritual matters as well. You pray for results in area 1 and see change in area 3948581. It can be frustrating. Your prayer may sound something like "I'm fasting, praying, and trusting for ____ to change. God, I need direction. I need Your help. You have no respect of persons; Father do for me what you did for ____. Your Word says _____. Father, I trust You, and I thank You." After praying so many variations of that prayer with seemingly no results, you may feel faint and tired.

Don't give up! Keep praying. Keep fasting. Keep sowing. Keep believing. God heard you. He hears you. He sees you.  "There is a right time for everything, and everything on earth will happen at the right time." (Ecclesiastes 3:1 ERV) At just the right time, your "due season" will come. 

Nothing you can't handle.

I was at my desk about to unwrap a Halls cough drop, when I read this message. I'm not attributing this confirmation to coincidence. God knows. He hears. He's attentive, and He's active. Stay connected to Him. The same Word that says apart from Him we can do nothing confirms that we can do all things through Christ. Be encouraged! This, whatever "this" is for you, is nothing you can't handle with your very present help.

Job 42:2

Job 42:2 was on my heart so heavily today. "I know that You can do all things, and that no thought or purpose of Yours can be restrained or thwarted." (Job 42:2 AMPC)  While discussing this scripture with Errian, Jeremiah 29:11 came to my mind as well. "'For I know the plans and thoughts that I have for you,' says the Lord , 'plans for peace and well-being and not for disaster to give you a future and a hope." (Jeremiah 29:11 AMP) What an awesome, encouraging, and hope-giving, faith-stimulating revelation!

God's thoughts and purpose cannot and will not be restrained (prevented/restricted) or thwarted (stopped or frustrated). Those thoughts and plans for peace, well-being, a future, and a hope that God thinks towards us will not be prevented, restricted, stopped, or frustrated. Praise God!

Thank You, God, for Your Word that affirms us in this faith walk. Thank You, God, for being the all-knowing, all-seeing, all-powerful God. Thank You for Your plans and thoughts.

There is a standard.

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
1 Corinthians 13:4‭-‬7 NLT

Been LIT

Pretty Girl, don't waste time feeling less than; YOU CERTAINLY SUFFICE. No "glow up" needed; live with pride. Besides, you've been LIT, Loved, Intentional, and Tenacious. Hold your head up and smile big. Seriously girl, you've been LIT!Recognize who you are and honor your being. Recognize whose you are and glorify your Creator. Take your beautiful determination and choose a life of self-lovery. With the self-love you find wear self-acceptance bravely. Then translate internal radiance to external compassion
and watch your light make illumination happen.

I know a gentleman.

I remember the night I took this picture. I primped. I did my version of getting cute. I even decided to carry a purse.

A young man invited me to dinner, and I was excited to accompany him. We had interesting conversations on an array of topics. He seemed rather intelligent and respectful. I actually looked forward to our dinner; it was my first post-divorce, mid-twenties, "real" date.

He picked me up on time, opened the car door, and offered compliments. He drove safely which was a big deal to me. He effortlessly weaved through subjects during the 20 minute plus drive to the restaurant. It was Salsa Night. Although he wanted to dance, he was understanding when I apologetically declined. We sat, ate, sipped, and talked. Things were going well.

It was disappointing when his true intentions were revealed. As the evening progressed, it became clear to me what he wanted. I was actually taken back. Upset, I discreetly requested an Uber and abruptly ended the date when the car arrived.

Often times it is difficult to determine motives. It is not always easy to establish the true reason(s) someone wants to know you and enter your life. I know as a teenager and young woman I was wrong about intentions, motives, and hearts more than once especially when it came to young men. Even so, I finally came to know, really know, a Gentleman...

I know someone who waits with readiness to give not anxiousness to get. I know someone who loves without condition and terms. I know someone who wants to spend time with you without any hidden, wrong, or selfish intentions. I know someone who cares about your being and heart. I know someone who wants to be your lifelong companion.  I know Jesus.

At the end of the evening with that young man, I sat in my apartment and cried. They were tears of disappointment and frustration. I was not ready to have to spend my time decoding people and fiercely protecting myself. (Dating requires both.)

Today, I still cry. Sometimes I can't help it. In fact, I cried all throughout church today, but these tears are different. I cry today because I am acutely aware how deeply, purely, and unconditionally loved I am by the loving, consistent, awe-inspiring Creator of all. I didn't have to do anything. I didn't have to sleep with anyone. I didn't have to give anything. 

I am loved because I am His, and He is Love.

Do you know that you are loved, seen, and valued by The I Am? For God so loved you and me that He gave His only Son; whosoever believes in Christ will not perish but have eternal life. Trust me; He does not disappoint. God is so faithful.

Men can be beautiful.

You are beautiful. I know you believe beauty is reserved for femininity, but you're wrong. You are beautiful. Like the lines of my most favorite poems, you are beautiful. Like the Creator's sky, moon, stars, and sun, you are beautiful. Like the voice of India Arie, you are beautiful. Like the coos, smiles, and face of my niece, you are beautiful. You are beautiful. I know you think beauty starts and stops with women, but men can be beautiful too, and I find all the elements of beauty in you.

You've been raised.

While on Oprah's Masterclass, Dr. Maya Angelou recalled the time when she, a seventeen year old, single mother, told her mom, Vivian "Lady" Baxter, she was leaving home. Ms. Baxter's response was perfect, empowering, and comforting. It is quite a jewel to impart to a young person.

"You've been raised...Don't let anybody raise you."

I have been raised. Everything my parents know was shared with me, and as they continue to gain more information, knowledge, and wisdom, the sharing continues. When previously held beliefs change, they share. When they have a strong conviction about something, they share. They are dynamic people. As they grow and change, I benefit from every lesson, trial, win, loss, experience, and observation. I am grateful for that. I've been raised. I know right from wrong. I will not allow anyone else to raise me.

It is important to understand who your wise counsel is composed of and be firm in your convictions. This world is great at trying to convince us that everything lies in gray areas. I know everything is not black or white, but I also know where my unambiguity lies. These are the areas with good judgment, my parents' counsel, and the Holy Spirit's guidance there is no wavering. I have been raised.

"Train up a child in the way he should go, teaching him to seek God’s wisdom and will for his abilities and talents, Even when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6 AMP

Two Things #6

I am taking a Nutrition class this semester, and I keep mentally rehashing one of the things I read. That excerpt from Perspectives in Nutrition by Wardlaw is pictured above. Please read it.

At around 6:30 this morning, jolted from sleep by a dream, the differences between hunger and appetite came to me again. I've retained the information for academic purposes, but its applicability to spiritual life is so good. I see parallels between hunger and appetite and the spirit and flesh. I also find it interesting that one is physiological and the other psychological. There is more, so many connections to be made, and I look forward to digging deeper into the Word to discover and examine the topic further.

Today I wanted to share this...

Two things:
(1) Hunger and appetite are powerful. In order to be spiritually effective we have to know the differences between them, apply discernment to determine the driving force behind a desire, and utilize wisdom to choose who, how, when, what and where to achieve satiety. Most importantly, we have to stay hungry for right standing with God and rely on the guidance of the Holy Spirit.  See Matthew 5:6 KJV & Galatians 5:16 NLT

(2) We have to practice discipline and be willing to deny both hunger and appetite. We have to fast, and the Bible is not mute on this matter. See Matthew 4:4 MEV, Mark 9:28‭-‬29 AMPC, and 2 Timothy 1:7 AMP

10.3 Eating Behavior Regulation

Two factors drive our desire to eat: hunger and appetite (Fig. 10-6). Hunger, the physiological drive to find and eat food, is controlled primarily by internal body mechanisms, such as organs, hormones, hormonelike factors, and the nervous system.11 Appetite, the psychological drive to eat, is affected mostly by external factors that encourage us to eat, such as social custom, time of day, mood (e.g., feeling sad or happy), memories of pleasant tastes, and the sight of a tempting dessert.

Internal and external signals that drive hunger and appetite generally operate simultaneously and lead us to decide whether to reject or eat a food...Although hunger and appetite are closely intertwined, they don’t always coincide. Almost everyone has encountered a mouthwatering dessert and devoured it, even on a full stomach. Alternately, there are times when we are hungry but have no appetite for the food being served. Where food is ample, appetite—not hunger—mostly triggers eating.

Fulfilling either or both drives by eating sufficient food normally brings a state of satiety, in which we feel satisfaction and no longer have the drive to eat. The hypothalamus, a portion of the brain, is the key integration site for the regulation of satiety (Fig. 10-7)...If these internal signals stimulate the satiety centers of the hypothalamus, we stop eating. If they stimulate the feeding centers in the hypothalamus, we eat more.11 Surgery and some cancers and chemicals can harm the hypothalamus. Damage to the satiety center causes humans to become obese, whereas damage to the feeding center inhibits eating and eventually leads to weight loss.

Thankful.

This year I am most grateful for the people who bring much love, kindness, joy, friendship, and encouragement in my life. I love you all.

Buzz Free

Her friends say "You're not even trying," and she tells them they're absolutely right. Truth be told, she "tried" most of her life and received fleeting attention from people who couldn't see her light. She learned the hard way that ego wasn't worthy of her time. She learned through heartbreak that its strokes only pacified, so she stopped putting out honey, saw the dissipation of flies, and fell in love with the buzz free life.

Make it better.

"Errian, what am I going to do with my life?"

"Make it better." -Errian

It was Wednesday, November 25, 2015, the night before our last Thanksgiving together. I was talking to you and not too certain you could hear me. We listened to soft worship music. I read and sang to you. I held your hand. I cried and spoke with God. It was heartbreaking. You, my boisterous, force-to-be-reckoned-with, hip, confident Granny, were so still and quiet.

That night I couldn't help but think of the Thanksgiving a couple of years prior. I called and told you we were not going to make it to Dallas. I can't remember if it was Marcus or Kedrick who texted me "Man, now Granny talking bout' she ain't going to cook." I felt awful and loved, but mostly awful. I should have been there. Although I regret missing that moment and others, I will always be thankful for the time spent at your bedside in that hospital.

You loved to feed us; it was one of the ways you loved on us. On our plates, whatever the meal, we always had a slice of bread and sliver of fresh onion. (I am convinced you created my love for onions!) Thanksgiving has always felt like you to me, and it has not been the same without hearing your voice, seeing your face, or eating your food.

Today, I am certain you can hear me where you are in this universe. Know that you are missed and loved, always and forever, Granny Gloria Jean...

My prayer for everyone who is missing anyone this Holiday season is that you experience a profound comfort and peace that remedies the deep sadness and loss.

My prayer for everyone with loved ones is that you realize the beauty and gift in being able to talk to, see, Facetime, hug, kiss, cook for, eat with, and enjoy the people most precious to you.

Though it often has deceptively long feel, life is short.

People...

Everyone wants to be regular, but no one wants to take care of public restrooms. 😑😒🙄

Proverbs 4:23‭-‬27 MSG

Keep vigilant watch over your heart; that’s where life starts. Don’t talk out of both sides of your mouth; avoid careless banter, white lies, and gossip. Keep your eyes straight ahead; ignore all sideshow distractions. Watch your step, and the road will stretch out smooth before you. Look neither right nor left; leave evil in the dust.

Credit

One of my goals is to achieve and maintain an 800+ credit score. I'm not there yet, but I will be one day. Since my semi-obsession with credit began, there are a few things I learned that I wanted to share. I'm no expert. I am still learning, and if you have tips, please share.

(1) Pay your bills on time! Late payments cause credit worthiness to plummet. (I once forgot to pay an in-store credit card, and I kid not, my score dropped over 30 points. Shout out to the customer service rep who helped me when I called boohooing about that absent-minded mistake. He's the real MVP.) A good payment history is a vital necessity!

(2) You can get a copy your credit report for free every 12 months from Equifax, Experian, and Transunion. When I was in high school, my uncle advised me to use one free report every quarter.

(3) Hard inquiries, when your report is pulled by a potential lender because you've applied for credit, can negatively impact your score. (They stay on your report for 2 years.)

(4) Credit utilization matters! (Even when you're paying your balance off every month) If the total limit of all your credit and retail cards is $10,000 , for example, and your credit and retail debt is $9,000, you have 90% credit utilization. (Yikes!) You want to keep it below 30%.

(5) When you cosign for a loan, it will report on and impact your credit. It's considered a joint account, and you are a borrower.

(6) Comb through your credit report. Are there any items on there from when you were a minor? Are there accounts you don't recognize?  Dispute them!

(7) I started my credit journey with a credit starter loan when I was 18. The line of credit was low and the interest was high, but I paid them timely every month. They actually reported to the credit bureau. To date, that starter loan is still helping my credit by aging my credit history.

(8) Avoid collections! They hurt your credit and stay on your report for 7 years. If you have a collections, pay it off and keep the receipt. (You will need it.)

(9) Pay important, credit impacting items with methods that can be tracked. (I once had an apartment report a collections. I was able to resolve it quickly because I had documentation that I paid the fee via money order.)

(10) Sign up for a credit tracker. Credit Works by @experian is definitely my friend. I love it. It's affordable, and the app is easy to use and functional. If you have a credit card, it's likely that they may a free credit tracking service available to you. Inquire about it.

Sidenote:
When I become a mother, I plan on adding my teenage children as authorized users to my credit cards with the largest limits so reporting can began on their credit. (As I currently foresee it, they won't actually have access to cards.) If I had been mindful of this a long time ago, I would have done it for my younger brothers.

Pride, Anger, and Selfishness

Talk Back

He said "Remember I know what you did,"
so I reminded him what was done.
The Father, generous in love,
gave His only Son. (John 3:16)
"I have been redeemed, (Ephesians 1:7)
and I will not stand accused. (Romans 8:1)
I've been bought with the same blood
that conquered sin, death, and you. (Revelations 1:18)
I am under grace; (Romans 6:14)
everyday His mercies are new, (Lamentations 3:22-23)
and my sins are as far as the
east from the west removed. (Psalms 103:12)
Not today Satan! (James 4:7)
The Lord rebukes you." (Zechariah 3:2)

Two Things #5

On September 21st I prayed for direction on a matter I was uncertain about. On September 22nd, I went to work, and this cross was on my desk. I was instantly reminded of the Psalms 46:10.: "Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." (Psalms 46:10 MEV)

I knew in my knower that "be still" was the answer to my prayer. If I'm being honest, it was not the answer I hoped to received. What I truly wanted was to get what I wanted with no pressue. The answer meant going through the struggle not around it, so with every twist, turn, and challenge, from that day until now, I've looked for ways to do any and everything but be still. I also tried to discredit and reason the answer to death.:

"Was it really an answer to my prayer?" "It could have just been a coincidence." "I mean the devil heard that prayer too. I prayed aloud. He could be trying to distract me."

Friday, I received the following message: "Good morning sweetheart. I've been praying for you and this morning I felt your fears and uncertainty. For what the Holy Spirit revealed to me, I didn't pray peace, your fear isn't irrational; but, I prayed that you find purpose for the fear and fight."

It was confirmation. This is what I know. I am experiencing pressure; it is uncomfortable, but I'm not supposed to run from this challenge. I need to be still, know that God is God, and watch Him be exalted. I need to know that there is a purpose for this particular fight. And, I needed know that my feelings of fear, uncertainty, and anxiety were valid and mattered.

Two things:
(1) He knows. See Hebrews 4:15‭-‬16 (2) He cares. See 1 Peter 5:7

Purpose

The elephant in your conscience
The things that keeps you humble
The biggest mistakes you've made
The secrets you're carrying to the grave
The actions that brought embarrassment
The skeletons hidden deep in your closet
The failures that hurt your confidence
The losses that shaped your countenance
The trials that tested your perseverance
This life that's proved you're resilience...
One day, you'll look back on it all
and finally know the cause.

Flowers In My Hair

"Pay close attention, friend, to what your father tells you; never forget what you learned at your mother’s knee. Wear their counsel like flowers in your hair, like rings on your fingers." Proverbs 1:8‭-‬9 MSG

"But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, will teach you everything and remind you of all that I told you.  Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." John 14:26‭-‬27 MEV

*The photo I coupled with my poem is a Dazhane Leah image.

Kaleidoscope

They all look the same, and everybody agrees that they "slay." Lately she's been comparing herself to They and trying to find them in her style, body, and face. Popular culture is not inclusive; it champions monochromatic standards of beauty. She's young, impressionable, and vulnerable to what They think. We prioritized acceptance and neglected self-esteem. We taught her that pretty privilege was all that mattered, so when They came for her, her self-image shattered. She gave in. Conformity cautioned "Follow the trends," and peer pressure celebrated yet another win...

Those flaws add humanity to your divine soul. Though it seems beyond your control, you are empowered with no. Don't force yourself in to any cookie-cutter mold. Self-love gives you the best glow, and you wear confidence better than name brand clothes. Be you; beauty will always be kaleidoscope.

Always

Every morning he asks her "How did you sleep?" He calls "Pretty Girl" daily and brings her mint tea. He's read every piece that she's wrote and tells her one day she'll sit across from Oprah. He checks on her mom just because and knows which ice cream her grandmother loves. He prays with her. He makes her laugh. He leaves her notes. He's approved by her dad. He listens when she speaks. He's attentive to the little things. When she voices concerns, he makes adjustments. He tries his best; it's obvious he loves her. To the best friend that girl's ever had: She hopes you know she loves you back...

Shine on

It is important to understand that when others tell your story, from whatever perspective they hold, they may only highlight your falls. Don't lose any peace about it. You shine light on each and every ascent with your presence, resilience, determination, humility, growth, and character. Disparagement often contextualizes triumphs. When your past is made public and mistakes brought to everyone's attention, your progress is also on full display. When the depth of your fall is apparent the height of your victory can be fully appreciated.
P.S.
Those who look to God will shine; their faces are never ashamed. Chin up! Shine on. You are so much more than shortcomings. 🖤

Pray for Sutherland Springs, Texas

Let's keep First Baptist Church, the community of Sutherland Springs, Texas, and all the people impacted are in our thoughts and prayers.

Two Things #4

In high school I committed this to memory, and today, a particularly challenging day, it came to remembrance. As I reflected on the last sentence, I thought on a few scriptures.

"Now the Lord is the Spirit. And where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty." 2 Corinthians 3:17 MEV

"So we know the love that God has for us, and we trust that love. God is love. Everyone who lives in love lives in God, and God lives in them." 1 John 4:16 ERV

"Where God’s love is, there is no fear, because God’s perfect love take away fear..." 1 John 4:18 ERV

Love, living in Love, is the only thing that can liberate us from our deepest fear. It’s the only thing that never fails; Love is the Divine in all of us. The Bible says that God is Love assuring us that where Love is there is also liberty. Where Love is there is no fear as Love has the supreme ability to bear all things, believe all things, hope all things, and endure all things. (1 Corinthians 13:7 MEV) When we live in Love, God lives in us, and our presence becomes supernaturally endowed to liberate others.

Two Things...

(1) I often relate 1 Corinthians 13 to the manner in which I love God and others, the first and second of the greatest commandments, but I failed to turn this love inward. It just did not occur to me that a requirement for radiating love outwardly is harvesting love inwardly. (Mark 12:31 and Ephesians 5:28 mark self-love as point-of-reference for loving other people.)

(2) Do not allow fear to encumber you. Fear is not from our Heavenly Father. It is not one of His good and perfect gifts, and the Bible is clear on this. "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity or cowardice or fear, but He has given us a spirit of power and of love and of sound judgment and personal discipline, abilities that result in a calm, well-balanced mind and self-control." (2 TIMOTHY 1:7 AMP) Make manifest the glory of God that is within you. Do not be afraid! (See Isaiah 41:10)

Push!

The pressure is mounting. You're afraid that you will fail. Taking it little by little, you can't see the next step. This hurts, but pain is apart of giving birth. The light created when you finally reside in purpose will make the complications of the labor experience worth it. -LeKechia Lyshell

Proverbs 15:1

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. -ESV

A soft and gentle and thoughtful answer turns away wrath, But harsh and painful and careless words stir up anger. -AMP

A sensitive answer turns back wrath, but an offensive word stirs up anger. -CEB

A gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles a temper-fire. -MSG

A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. -KJV

Love's Requirements

no hidden motives,
wrong intentions,
or petty competitions
no envy or bitterness,
no selfish desires
or covetousness,
no malice, no deceit,
no slander or hypocrisy
no ill will or resentment
no strife, no haughtiness
no anger, no hate...
Don't keep any of it!
Put those things away.

My Heart's Prayer

Father help me to be grateful this day. Help me to think on Your Word always. You are so faithful; You have been good. Help my heart, Father; I desire to love You as I should. Father forgive me for all my complaints. I focused on trials while standing in Your grace. Time after time You rescued me, and I know there's refuge under Your wings. Father, You are my redeemer and strength. In You, I live, move, and have my being. Praise to You, Father! I am fearfully and wonderfully made and lavished with a love that never separates. Thank You for the privilege of knowing You as a Father. Help me to bring You glory, praise, and honor.

Two Things #3

"But Ruth replied, 'Don’t ask me to leave you and turn back. Wherever you go, I will go; wherever you live, I will live. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God." (Ruth 1:16 NLT)

The Bible does not give us the background information about Ruth and Naomi's relationship or Naomi's character. I assume, based on Ruth's response, that Naomi was a wonderful, loving mother-in-law, but I cannot say for sure. What we know is Ruth chose faithfulness over convenience and self-interest, and faithfulness came with costs and uncertainties.

They were women. They were widows in a time that property could not be bequeathed to women. They were destitute evidenced by Ruth gleaning in the fields. They were broken. Both of them had experienced loss. In fact, Naomi felt the pangs of loss so greatly that she declared "'Don’t call me Naomi...Instead, call me Mara, for the Almighty has made life very bitter for me. I went away full, but the Lord has brought me home empty. Why call me Naomi when the Lord has caused me to suffer and the Almighty has sent such tragedy upon me?'" (Ruth 1:20‭-‬21 NLT)

But God had a plan...

You know the story. It's a beautiful, triumphant story.  Ruth, the Moabitess, the widow, the faithful daughter-in-law, the foreigner, marries Boaz! (Boaz is to Ruth and Naomi what Christ is to believers.) Ruth is King David's great-grandmother and an ancestor of Christ. She is one of only five women included in the genealogy of Jesus.

Two things:
(1) What if our response to God was fashioned after Ruth's response to Naomi? What if we were determined to go with God? What if we clung to God and offered a heartfelt Ruth proclamation?
"I won't leave you and turn back. Wherever you say go, I will go; wherever you say live, I will live. Your people are my people, and you, God, are my God." Then continued to journey with Him.

(2) What area of our individual lives do you and I need to apply a Ruth faithfulness?

Proverbs 3:3-4 tells us to "let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.  Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man. (NIV) Before Boaz saw or met Ruth gleaning in his fields, he heard about her faithfulness to Naomi. (Ruth 2:11-12) Maybe part of the reason we're not seeing favor in certain areas is because we lack faithfulness in those same areas. Let us stay mindful of Luke 16:10-12.

Two Things #2

I really enjoy my church home and family. We have the most loving Pastor and First Lady. The praise and worship is phenomenal. The Word is always timely, relevant, and packed with things the spirit needs. We laugh. We sing. We worship. We love on one another. We grow. My church is an awesome place to be. Even so, I was not feeling it this morning.

My mind was inundated with thoughts like: "Maybe church isn't for me. Can I live for Christ and be authentic? I don't want to be fake. I don't want to have to hide my mistakes and shortcomings. I don't want to pretend. I am beyond flawed. Yesterday, I said...In the past, I did...Have I really changed? Am I just going through the motions? It's not like going to church saves me. I can stay home, read, and pray. I missed last Sunday. I didn't go to Bible Study on Wednesday. Church shouldn't cause this much angst."

Thank God I went! I was ministered to and fed. I was able to be fellowship with my loving brothers and sisters in Christ. I received encouragement and confirmation. I got some of the best hugs and shared in some good laughter. It was a powerful service.

Often times, we are controlled by the thoughts that we should capture. This morning would have been an "opportune time" for me to use the weapons of our warfare. I could have responded with:

"And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works:  Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching. Hebrews 10:24‭-‬25 KJV

"For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard. Yet God, in his grace, freely makes us right in his sight. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins." Romans 3:23‭-‬24 NLT

"So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1 NLT

"This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! And all of this is a gift from God, who brought us back to himself through Christ..."
2 Corinthians 5:17‭-‬18 NLT

"We live in this world, but we don’t fight our battles in the same way the world does. The weapons we use are not human ones. Our weapons have power from God and can destroy the enemy’s strong places. We destroy people’s arguments, and we tear down every proud idea that raises itself against the knowledge of God. We also capture every thought and make it give up and obey Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:3‭-‬5 ERV

I could have used "the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God," and went to war. I did not. I did nothing, and my mind was not a pleasant place. Too often, all too often, we do nothing when hell is waging an all out assault. Spiritual warfare is real. We are fighting against "all the schemes, strategies and deceits of the devil." (Ephesians 6:11 AMP) We cannot afford to do nothing.

Two things:

(1) Get dressed.
Ephesians 6:10-17 instructs us to put on the whole armor of God so that we can resist and stand firm against the enemy. It is vitally important to get dressed with the protection that God provides. James 4:7 reads "...resist the devil, and he will flee from you." Being fully prepared, standing firm, emerging victorious, and making the enemy retreat requires that we put on the full armor of God. Without it, we are sure to be exposed.

(2) Talk to yourself!
We are often prepared to argue with others, but go mute when our internal conversations are contrary to the Word of God. We have the full armor of God and weapons powered by God, but we often lack the faith and obedience to follow the example set by Christ. In the wilderness, He gave us a simple, effective, never failing battleplan, "It is written..." Utilize the Word. Speak the Word.

Two Things

Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith..." 
1 Peter 5:8‭-‬9 NLT

As I was thinking of Apostle Peter's caution to believers, I thought about Jesus' caution to Peter. They sound so similar.

"Simon, Simon, behold, Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like wheat, but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned again, strengthen your brothers."
Luke 22:31‭-‬32 ESV

He knew the same enemy that seeks to devour us sought to sift him. Peter spoke from a place of experience. In that way, it was a highly personal message. Peter learned that truth experientially, and he experienced grief with the lesson. (Luke 22:68 and John 21:17)  

Peter, after being warned by Jesus, fell and failed. He denied even knowing Jesus. (Luke 22:54-62)  Unlike Judas, he repented, confirmed his love for Christ (John 21:15-19), and became the rock the church was built on, a fisher of men. (Praise God that our frailties do no stop God's faithfulness, in His character or to His Word. Peter repented, and God prevailed!)

"Now I say to you that you are Peter (which means ‘rock’), and upon this rock I will build my church, and all the powers of hell will not conquer it." 
Matthew 16:18 NLT

"And Jesus, walking by the sea of Galilee, saw two brethren, Simon called Peter, and Andrew his brother, casting a net into the sea: for they were fishers.  And he saith unto them, Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men."
Matthew 4:18‭-‬19 KJV

Two things:
(1) What have you and I learned from our personal falls and failures?
God can transform the lessons we learned from painful experiences into powerful messages. He did it for Peter, and He can do it for us. (Acts 10:34 and Romans 8:28)

(2) Are we alert? 
Jesus' prediction of Peter's denial, we can assume, did not stay on the forefront of Peter's mind. Maybe it was due to the chaos that ensued after Jesus was arrested. Maybe Peter actually believe there was no way he would deny Jesus and dismissed the warning. What we know is after the rooster crowed and Christ looked at him, "suddenly, the Lord’s words flashed through Peter’s mind."  (Luke 22:61 NLT) Peter was able to tell us to "stay alert" knowing that there is price for distraction in spiritual warfare. 

Thanks for allowing me to share with you.

Have a great Tuesday!

-LeKechia

Note to Self

Your value is fixed. It does not increase as you accumulate wealth, degrees, fame, popularity, property,  status, etcetera. It does not decrease when you have losses, mishaps, embarrassments, failures, and frailties. You are as worthy in this moment, in whatever condition you are currently in, as you were at birth; as you were at your best; as you were at your worst; and as you will be when in your final moment. Since nothing can diminish your value, nothing can amplify it, and that's the beauty of intrinsic value. It is not imparted, and it cannot depart. It should be your goal to walk with your head high, to reside in self-love, to honor your purpose, to radiate love and respect for the intrinsic value of others, to accomplish and achieve, and to live everyday with gratitude for the Most High, not because you're on a quest for worth or worthiness, but because you recognize that you are and will always be a significant member of humanity. -LeKechia Lyshell

Fifth

Every word goes into a registry,
helping you to crack the code of me.
I guard my heart when I don't speak,
securing insights into how I think.
I won't help you to conquer me
and betray myself so easily.
You utilize listening as weaponry,
but my speech won't help you tactically.
My mouth is not your point-of-entry;
you will not use my words against me.

The key to guarding your affections is disciplining your tongue.

Good morning,

I'm actively learning how big, gracious, loving, kind, good, forgiving, sufficient, and relational, and tangible God is. This experience with His character has satiated my being. He's my Father, my Heavenly Father, and it is that personal. Sometimes, it's difficult to express in a way that others can really grasp because of the many omitted details. I don't want all of my business, mishaps, failures, shortcomings, and embarrassments public and subject to people's judgement and criticism, but God knows all the details. There's not a single part of my being, heart, thoughts, behaviors, emotions, history, and experience that He has yet to discover, and He loves me completely, unconditionally, and eternally. I've been called many things. I've thought of myself as many things. It wasn't all good. As my knowledge of and relationship with my Father deepens and expands, I learn Him and in that process, I learn me.  "Daughter of God" isn't a cutesy thing I say now. It's who I am in relation to God.

"When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father,  the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth.  I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen."
Ephesians 3:14‭-‬21 NLT

from him to Elohim

He said "time for yourself?" with incredulity in his breath as if she wasn't worthy of herself. Unfazed, she continued, "Yes, and I need you to listen. What was between us is finished. I have to be about my Father's business." "Your father's business?" He repeated the words with irony as if God would deny paternity. She looked him eyes, confirmed her royalty, and right there, in that moment, shifted her loyalty... from him to Elohim. She said "I am a daughter of God" and did not wait for him to respond. -LeKechia Lyshell

Idioms & Idiots

You are the other side's grass,
appearing healthy and green.
You are the rude awakening,
accusatory, harsh, and mean.
You are the ugly truth,
unbearable, entrenched in mire.
You are the third degree burn,
evidence of my play with fire.
You are the pride that
went before destruction.
You are the weight
burdening my conscience.
You are the glitter
that promised to be gold.
You are the bill of sale,
proof I once sold my soul.

Shades of Intimacy

I will see you the way everything precious
should be viewed...with gentleness, admiration, respect, honor, and love. I will take you in with my eyes and tend to you with my heart. You will make this woman marvel at God made art for you are a masterpiece. You will captivate masterfully; I will be arrested by the way you think; enlightened by your speech; and stimulated by your soul. I will be rooted so deeply in love that love-laced poetry will flow. We will be bare in each other's presence, but the transparency will be another shade of our intimacy, reciprocal and beautiful and worthy of patience. We'll praise God for our journey of preparation and waiting.

Right

"Just do right. Right may not be expedient; it may not be profitable, but it will satisfy your soul. It brings you the kind of protection that bodyguards can’t give you. So try to live your life in a way that you will not regret years of useless virtue and inertia and timidity." -Maya Angelou

Divine Intervention

I heard the door closing with every word spoken.  This would be the last time; the finality was audible. It took me by surprise; I had to recover from marvel. My prayer was answered in a most decisive way, and clarity strong-armed confusion away. There was static in the phone, but my direction was distinct. Nothing we said could have changed a thing. -LeKechia Lyshell

"Don't ever try to come for my joy again."

Regrettably, I did not go to church today. I stayed in bed, inhaled news, and toggled between anger and sadness all morning. It's not healthy or productive. Then I watched a video shared by @amandaseales. She continues to articulate the sentiments I need to hear. She said outrage cannot not be a perpetual state, and you have to go from rage to focus to strategy. (I'm paraphrasing.) Let's all get a firm "Don't ever try to come for my joy again" and maintain our joy,  be productive, and show kindness this Sunday.

I woke up thinking about this. The hypocrisy is glaring. In the words of @ananavarrofl "Damn it, Donald Trump, call a spade a spade."

Charlottesville

People grow tired of hearing this, but the truth of the matter is what we're seeing from #charlottesville is the blot of slavery. White supremacy and all of its displays are the impact of generations of teaching one people they were superior to other people for the sole purpose of justifying genocide, subjugation, avarice, and inhumane treatment. Let's be clear. Our country has the racial problems that we have because its foundation was laid on beautiful principles and horrific practices...
After reading the news, seeing images and footage, this thought articulated by @amandaseales came to mind. People of color, in the face of white supremacy, racism, prejudiced, discrimination, and inequality, continue  being resilent and excellent and graceful and proud. This is how we dispel the myth of supremacy. White people who condemn displays of ignorance, violence, and hatred, who put themselves in harm's way for the sake of right, who stand with POC to combat this false thinking, thank you for your courage.

08-12-2017 Post from Instagram

I don't enjoy taking selfies. I'm actually the self proclaimed Queen of Failed Selfies. (I'll share more about this later.) I just don't consider myself photogenic. My beauty is not conveyed well through pictures. (It's basically like obscenity; you'll know it when you see it...in person. 😂😂😂) In any case, I had to take a picture to commemorate the small victory I had over fear and remind everyone who needs reminding to stay in the race. Endurance is the key...Also, the joy of the Lord is our strength. Don't let the obstacles in your life and/or clownish activity in the world steal your joy or peace. Stay smiling! Happy Saturday!
P.S.
God did not give us a spirit of timidity, cowardice, or fear. He gifted us with a spirit of power, love , sound judgment and personal discipline, and abilities that result in a calm, well-balanced mind and self-control.

"Chanting 'White lives matter!' 'You will not replace us!' and 'Jews will not replace us!' several hundred white nationalists and white supremacists carrying torches marched in a parade through the University of Virginia campus Friday night." -@washingtonpost
This small bunch in Charlottesville, Virginia openly expressing their beliefs [at night in true KKK form] doesn't bother me nearly as much as the many around America who quietly feel the exact same way and occupy positions of power and influence, make laws, educate children, enforce laws, provide healthcare, etcetera. I prefer the former.

"Food, finances, or attitude?

"Food, finances, or attitude?" 😩😂 She knows me so well. ❤ I was so upset when I initiated that vent, and she had to say something funny.
From my mom to me to you:
If the solution to the problem is available to you, grab it, apply it, and have a better day. If you're hungry with a frig full of food and money to dine out, eat. If you have a bad attitude, check yourself. If you have self-created money problems, make wiser spending decisions. Just don't let food, finances, or attitude ruin your day.

Growth

I'm brave enough to admit I love you and smart enough to know it's not the only factor that matters. I'm humble enough to realize I'm not over you and honest enough to recognize I need to do better. I'm courageous enough to forgive you and wise enough to understand I cannot reopen that door. I'm human enough to desire you and woman enough to say no more...

...Growth is feeling the same feelings AND making different, better choices.
-LeKechia Lyshell

I Miss You

Typed a full message
Read and reread it
Contemplated send
Backspaced, typed again...
You make everything complex
especially "I miss you" texts.

It's That Serious

"Give me your number."

"Put your number in my phone."

Those are not questions. They are statements, and they are rude, demanding, and aggressive. It may seem harmless, but a man's approach can make a woman feel uncomfortable and pressured. If she politely declines, firmly declines, or rudely declines, she has no idea how the individual will respond.

No woman should feel the slightest bit of discomfort about saying no thank you to a request for her contact information, but all too often, we do. Women don't give out fake numbers to be jerks. The statistics prove that girls and women have to be vigilant.

"61% of female stalking victims are stalked by someone they know."
-National Center for Victims of Crimes

"1 in 6 women have been stalked during their lifetime" -CDC

"1 in 5 women will be raped at some point in their lives." -National Sexual Violence Resource Center

"3 out of 4 rapes are committed by someone known to the victim" -RAINN

"1 in 4 women have been the victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner" -CDC

"Nearly half of female victims are killed by a current or former male intimate partner" -CDC

It's that serious. The violence perpetrated against women by men makes it serious and frankly scary. Be respectful. Be considerate. Most of all be gentlemen who respect a woman's right to say no about anything from giving out her number to engaging in sex.

Over–the–Counter

I hurt so I reached for you. You did all temporary relief could do, so inevitably, I hurt again. You treat; you can't mend. I certainly don't blame you. I made you a human capsule, but you weren't prescribed or recommended. You were available and convenient. I was selfish and out-of-control. Now I see that I was wrong. People should never be treated like Aleve or abused like drugs, prescription or OTC. -LeKechia Lyshell

My Tresses and My Parents

My dad and I used to have an agreement. He paid for my trips to the stylist of my choice, and I would not cut my hair. At the time, it was a great deal. Then I went natural.

My first Big Chop caused a stir. My dad took offense, and my mom all but guaranteed it would look a mess. Two short years later, as my afro flourished, they had a change of heart.  My dad admired my natural hair and my mom admonished relaxing it.

I've cut my hair a few times since the initial BC, so I expected composed reactions to my newest cut. They were restrained alright. 😩 My dad said "You look like me." My mom said "It's really short." I considered swiping end call. 😂😂😂 (Of course, I didn't.)

Where were the compliments!?

I sulked. Somehow they both forgot to mention how much they loved my hair. I twirled a baby curl around my finger and began questioning my hair decision. I stood in front of a mirror, attempting sultry faces. I stopped, realizing I looked silly, and carried on with my day. Even when the style I choose is not the style they prefer, I'm always the daughter they love. With that thought all was forgiven.

Rather compliments are bountiful or scarce, you should not waiver on a decision you feel good about. Our partners, parents, family, and friends have a right not to like our choices. Our loved ones support is not negated by the absence of admiration.

P.S.
These photos show the hair they want, the hair they got, and the daughter they love. They perfectly capture us. 🖤

Little Things

"Give me some good food. Give me cute shoes. Give me some peace of mind. Bring me some sunshine. Bring me some blue sky...It's the little things and the joy they bring." -@indiaarie

63 Cents

A seat at your table is not enough to make us gratefully accept crumbs, sit down, and shut up. Inequality homogenized into diversity is a piss-poor offering to any oppressed citizenry. Don't repackage stagnant to sell it as change. We are woke; we know things are the same. It doesn't matter that there are brown and black faces in the room or representation for women and LGBTQ; it doesn't matter if everyone worships different gods; diversity doesn't matter if not by Equality's side.

Jay Z's Moonlight

I've watched this a thousand times since yesterday. Jay Z is giving me what I require from rap: creativity, depth, and a message. This Moonlight video is everything and so is the cast. I thoroughly enjoy the talents of @issarae and Jerrod Carmichael and their respective works, @insecurehbo and @thecarmichaelshow, so my senses are overwhelmed by the genius of this.

Happy Saturday!

"Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave, I am the dream and the hope of the slave. I rise. I rise. I rise..." Walk, talk, behave, and believe like you know you bring gifts. I'm not talking arrogance. I'm talking about the "self-assurance that comes from self-knowledge." I'm talking about a powerful, beautiful self love that when projected on your neighbors as you love them like yourself, sparks a fire of empowerment. I'm talking about a type of liberation from self-loathing that causes your presence to "automatically liberates others." Walk in that and have a Happy Saturday Folks! 🖤

Happy Friday! (Late Post)

Good morning! Let's close this week with the attitude of people who are persuaded they are loved by Love. Happy Friday! ❤ "My beloved friends, let us continue to love each other since love comes from God. Everyone who loves is born of God and experiences a relationship with God. The person who refuses to love doesn’t know the first thing about God, because God is love..." 1 John 4:7‭-‬8

De Facto King

You feed her a mouthful of lies, sandwiched between  "real talk" and "that's 100." She fights to ignore the churning of her stomach, her intuition's adverse reaction to unpalatable nonsense. You walk away from the conversation, give yourself a mental round of applause, much too self-obsessed to even entertain the thought that her digestion had nothing to do with you. It wasn't the eloquence of your speech that led that woman to accept poorly disguised feces. It wasn't the solidity of your game that caused her to take you back after you called her degrading names. It wasn't the quality of your sex that contributed to her endurance of your fists. Sheltered by ego and self-deceit, you don't see what your presence in her life really means.

Hey Queen,

Stop it!
Don't allow the voices in your head
to derail your progress.
You've made strides in confidence;
don't go back to negative.
You have the power to change
the inner conversation.
Be kind to yourself;
think about what you're thinking.
Those thoughts do not build you up.
Internal disparagement is not self-love.
Self-hatred, silent or spoken aloud,
is detrimental to your crown.

Reconciliation

You say hello. I say goodbye.
We're not on the same page.
Remind me why we try.
I say it's a start. You say it's the end.
We're unrecognizable partners,
intitmate strangers, strained friends.
You say I'm in. I say I quit.
We laugh to keep from crying,
both over the other's quips.
I say I love you. You say I love you.
Looking at each other, softened,
we table the conflict & sit in our truth.

Embrace Every Feature

I have independent Skin.
I pick fights; it always win.
And, I bear the scars.
It won't be controlled at all.
I have stubborn Lips.
Indifferent to applications,
shunning faux hydration,
they demand water in sips.
I have revolutionary Hair.
It ain't going nowhere.
Resistant, here to stay,
it always has its way.
I have my father's Nose.
Too proud to be hidden,
it's big and bold
and loving center stage,
the prima donna of my Face.
I'm learning to let them be;
they're not for pestering.
Love them as they are,
give them nurture and care,
and embrace every feature
from my nose to my hair.

P.S.
That's the look of resignation. 😩😂
I surrendered to self love, mustache, pimples, scars, and dry lips included, and that was a beautiful decision. ❤

Conscientious Expression

"...People will have to account for every careless word they speak." -Matthew 12:36 CSB

You are more than...

Purple

Game from my father
Patience from my mother
So I recognize inconsistences
But I'm long-suffering
"Leave a stain on your brain"
Sharp as a knife
My father recognized your goal
"Pray about it, Baby"
With the love of Christ,
My mother cared for your soul
And I find myself
Somewhere in between
Going back and forth
On the scale of Olanda to Lee

Know Better, Do Better

I turn 27 in a couple of months, and I've been acutely aware that I have to start making healthy decisions on a consistent basis. Habits are hard to break, but they can be broken. With this in mind, I'm attempting to establish a healthy routines. This morning I had a cup of soymilk, bottle of water, and banana for breakfast. (I typically forgo breakfast altogether.) I took Vitmin D. I love Witch Hazel as a facial cleanser. It's a staple product for me, so I used it per usual. My beautiful, health conscious cousin suggested I add a probiotic, and I did. This was my first time buying/using probiotics.

Though it's not pictured here, I also took my prescribed medications for hypertension. I have high blood pressure, and it's been uncontrolled for the longest time. I just refused to take the medications. Any and every time that I've gone to the doctor, I'm always cautioned that my blood pressure is too high. They always remind me of the risks associated with uncontrolled hypertension.

I reasoned that it was most likely due to my poor diet choices and what I really need to do is exercise and eat healthier. Both of those are good decisions to make for my overall health and could positively impact my blood pressure, but this fact remains: It is stupid to risk having a stroke and/or damaging my organs when there is treatment available.

Last night, while at the grocery store, I met a sweet lady. We were both looking a tomatoes and lamenting about their per pound cost. She said, "I need a garden," and our conversation continued on from there. She asked if I ever tried vinegar with my laundry detergent. She swore by its ability to make clothes fresher and softer. She told me to "Google it."

I noticed she had a variety of produce items in her basket and asked if she was making anything special. She informed me that she was making healthy decisions. She told me that last month she had a major stroke. She said it was only by God's grace that she was able to talk, grocery shop, and walk with the assistance of a cane. When our conversation came to end, she reminded me to always trust God because He will take good care of me, and she went on her way. I don't know the cause of that sweet lady's stroke, but I do know it changed her life. And it was a scary time for her. I also know that meeting her wasn't simply fortuitous.

We have to take care of the one body that we are given. While genetics are beyond our control, lifestyle choices are not. Let's make  good choices that contribute to health and well-being. This is certainly a challenge for me, but the stakes are high. I'm worth the time and effort it takes to learn healthy behaviors, and so are you. I'm worth the time and energy it takes to prepare wholesome, home-cooked meals, and so are you. I know better, so I have to do better.

"Or didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don’t you see that you can’t live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body."
1 Corinthians 6:19-‬20 MSG

Sister

Sometimes, many times honestly, I've held roles and was convinced I did not have grace for them, but there is one role that has never made me feel inadequate. Sister. I absolutely love being a sister to the human beings that are my siblings. I know I have divine grace to serve, love, support, learn from, root for, and exist in relationship to my brothers and sisters.

When I was a young girl, I was mean to my little brothers. (They called me Angelica, a reference to the antagonist on Nickelodeon's Rugrats.)  Today, it's still one of my biggest regrets. If you are living at home with your siblings, cherish it. Cherish it even on the days when they are huge annoyances. Be kind to your brothers and sisters. Build them up. Affirm them. Take advantage of this special time in life.

If you live in the same town or in close proximity to your siblings, call them up. Make plans! Go see a movie. Have lunch. Hang out. Go for a walk. Have fun together. Talk to them. Pry. Get to know them better. Enjoy the company of your siblings, and show them the love that is unique to a sister.

My brothers and sisters are all six or more hours away. I realized that I never really appreciated the luxury of being able to yell from one room to the next to summons an annoyed Bubba or Isaiah. I never seized the opportunity to make plans with Ebone' when we were close enough to do so. I never exerted enough effort to talk to Tone' on a consistent basis and facilitate closeness although we lived far from one another.

Seeing them today isn't feasible, but it's possible. Thank God; it's possible! I can send each of them a text and still get a reply. I can video chat with them and see those beautiful/handsome faces.  While I pray that we're all around long enough to see each other's grandchildren's grandchildren, I have to recognize their preciousness. What if it's not always this easy to satisfy homesickness for my siblings? The very thought brings tears to my eyes.

Life is short. It's unpredictable. We hope for sixty plus more years with our siblings, but there's no guarantee that we'll even have two. Give your brother/sister a hug today. Reach out. Send a text. Get them on the phone. Show love, dear sisters and brothers, to your sisters and brothers. Love your loved ones fiercely while they're still here to experience it.

To Add Delight to Remedy

Last night while lying in bed considering rather I should relax my natural hair or do another big chop, I prayed a prayer that actually surprised me.

"God, how can you get glory from my hair?" 

Honestly, I don't know if God cares if I have relaxed, natural, long, or short hair. I don't. I'm happy to know that the Creator of all finds me so worthy of His attention that He notes and knows every detail about me including the number of hairs on my head. (See Luke 12:6-7) I do believe that my Heavenly Father was proud that His daughter, newly humbled and cognizant of her dire need for Him and His guidance, offered that brief, seemingly frivolous prayer.

Today, mulling over this change, I smiled. There is a sweet peace and blissful contentment that accompanies being dependent on The One. There was a time, not too long ago, when I made big decisions, huge, life-altering decisions without prayer and supplication. I, in pride and foolishness, made choice after choice without consideration of how my actions would glorify or displease God. I haven't arrived. I still have growing, learning, and humbling to do, but I am pressing. All glory to God! He's been drawing me for so long, and I'm talking patient, loving, intensive drawing. (See John 6:44)

P.S.
And to add delight to remedy, I know exactly what I'm doing with my hair. It's certainly not an emotional hair decision this time. 😁

"Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life." Philippians 4:6‭-‬7 MSG

"Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.  And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6‭-‬7 KJV

Logged In

Notice to Vacate

The events that brought you to me are ethereal and faint; they're memories made fuzzy by years of denying pain...and your existence. I've carried you for so long that your heaviness seems a natural part my being. You're uncomfortable; you hurt, but Fear cautions me leave you.

"Don't speak it though you lived it. Don't speak it though you feel it. You never know what you'll unearth, dredging up years of buried hurts."

So I don't address you, but your presence is undeniable. In familiarity and defeat, I reach for a masculine pacifier, and you're there. Lying in wait, excited by triggers, you express yourself in insecurity, compensation, hardness, and anger. You're a manipulator, a master of deflection. You've usurped my reality and perverted my perception. No more! This is your notice to vacate; you must leave. I'll no longer be a host; I'm not your feed. There won't be another year of your progress interruptions. I'm over you, your emotional toll, and relational destruction. From this day forward, I'm rooting you out. Trauma, you can't live with me; my life is not your house.