And understanding that our brain processes every experience sequentially also helps explain miscommunication between brains—in other words, between people. Communication, after all, is about getting some idea, concept, or story from your cortex to another person’s cortex. From the smart part of your brain to the smart part of their brain. The problem is that we don’t communicate directly from cortex to cortex. We have to go through the lower parts of the brain. All the rational thoughts from our cortex have to get through the emotional filters of the lower brain. Our facial expression, tone of voice, and words are turned into neural activity by the other person’s senses, and then the sequential process of matching, interpreting, and passing up to their cortex takes place. Along the way, there are many opportunities for the meaning of any communication to be distilled, distorted, magnified, minimized, or lost.
Let’s think about what happens when the stress response is activated. Frustration, anger, and fear can shut down parts of the cortex. When someone is dysregulated, they simply cannot use the smartest part of their brain...
In my work we talk about “getting to the cortex”—getting to the place where you can communicate rationally with someone. If the person is regulated, you can connect with them in ways that will facilitate rational communication. But if they’re dysregulated, nothing you say will really get to their cortex, and nothing already in their cortex will be easy for them to access. This is essential to understand if you’re a teacher, because while the regulated child can learn, the dysregulated child will not. But it’s the same for supervising people in a work setting or communicating with colleagues, your partner, your children—anyone. Regulation is the key to creating a safe connection. And being connected is the most efficient and effective way to get information up to the cortex. A tutor, a coach, a mentor, a therapist—all depend on the relationship to be the superhighway to the cortex. -Bruce D. Perry, M.D.,Ph.D.
Dr. Perry studied neuroscience and psychiatry. I am reading a book he co-authored with Oprah. This - thinking about communication breakdowns based on "sequential" brain processing - gripped me with fascination and "aha moments" this morning.
Many interesting questions come up as I read and reflect.
(*It should be "elicit." My notes are rarely, if ever, proofread.* 🤦🏿♀️🤷🏿♀️😉)
I am considering what (and who) makes me feel regulated and dysregulated. (I challenge you to do the same.) I am also becoming more aware of moments of dysregulation. I am examining them with more curiosity than judgement. All and all, my awareness is expanding with this read. Hopefully, my capacity for empathy and compassion expands as well.
Reading so often brings to the forefront of my mind a scripture I heard as a child. "...And with all thy getting, get understanding." (Proverbs 4:7 KJV) May we have increased understanding and insight** today and everyday.
**According to Merriam-Webster, insight is a power.** 🤩😃
