Informed Consent

You should know that I am a flight risk, and escaping is my default setting. You should know that I am fearful and a master of motivated forgetting. You should know that I say a lot, but rarely speak my mind. You should know that I am messy, chaotic, and unrefined. You should know that I stumble over words and have difficulty translating my feelings. You should know that I am preoccupied with knowing every reason. You should know I feel in extremes, but I am mostly in between. You should know that I am equal parts selfish and selfless. You should know that I am in flux and a work in progress. You should know that I am unwilling to accept more than I am willing to give. You should know that this will hurt even if it also heals. You should know that I am trying my damndest to put me at stake. You should that I am a risk I'm not confident you should that you take.

Triggers

Some people are scared to leave home, but I am afraid to return. I fear forgetting all the freedom I've learned. I fear the masks. I fear my lies - the safe ones I tell for others and the explosives buried deep inside. I fear the expectations, questions, and judgements. I fear discovering I am not nomadic. I fear desiring to lay roots down again. I fear the recognition and the unfamiliarity. I fear the ways my eyes always betray me. I fear taming my tongue and speaking my mind. I fear that it will be too little and too much time. And...Perhaps too much time has already passed. What if I will never return home again? My greatest fear is that.