My experiences taught me that it is unwise to define home on the basis of individuals and relationships. Things are destroyed. Deaths, divorces, births, marriages, and blending happen everyday. Families downside and expand. Dwellings are acquired and lost. Children grow up and establish themselves elsewhere.
There are a plethora of variables.
When your definition of home is inextricable from a certain place, person, or group of people you may feel like a drifter if/when things shift. You experience a sense of permanent displacement that impacts your perspective and how well or poorly you relate to the world and those around you. It becomes difficult to cope with change, and, and this is important, you sacrifice time, energy, and self trying to recreate what was rather than design what can be.
Well, this was all true in my case.
My view of family and home was so rigid that it left no room for contentment with my reality of family, home, and consequently, self. It also contributed to flawed logic. (ie: "My family is broken, so I am broken. My home is dysfunctional so I am dysfunctional.) I did not understand my own ability and responsibility to influence home and family. I did not realize that I could implement what worked well and discard what had no utility for me.
I viewed myself as a recipient not a benefactor. I wanted to recreate in some form or fashion, preferably a perfected, pre things fall apart version, of my childhood. To do so, I needed individuals who were willing to play roles, and I had to play a role myself. I was reenacting as opposed to establishing.
It was necessary to expand my definition of home and family in order to experience acceptance, gratitude, and ultimately joy. For me, home is no longer one's place of residence or origin. It is not the social unit formed by a family living together. For me, home is self. I am home when a harmonious relationship with self is achieved.
When INTRA-harmony happens, I can establish home wherever I am. When INTRA-harmony happens, it is easier to be in harmony with my environment. As I become more and more at home in myself, I am able to create more functional connections with others.
As I cleaned and organized today, I looked around and counted the little, average, seemingly insignificant things, both tangibles and intangibles, that bring me joy and contribute to my sense of peace and well-being. I snapped a picture because I am so proud of my space. I love my cabinet, an impulse buy at Target. I love my artwork, faux plants, candles, journals, and my books. (I really LOVE my books.)
I am home.
P.S.
What makes you feel at home within yourself and environment?
