Life is profound.

Life is profound; so many of its facets are beyond our individual and collective control. It can be exhilarating. It can be devastating. It can be anywhere in between. On the days when life, living, and all that encompass human experiences are exceptionally heavy, find some positive thing and embrace the joy in it. Linger there. Rest in that moment. Rehab the spirit of your resilience. Life is profound; so many of its facets are beyond our individual and collective control. It can be peaceful. It can be chaotic. It can be anywhere in between. How can the human heart and mind prepare for life's variables? How can we survive its ebbs and flows? We ACCEPT that life is profound and so many of its facets are beyond our individual and collective control. Then we set out to positively IMPACT all that is in our ability to change for the better. 

Life is beautiful.

Life is beautiful" affixed to a laundry basket on laundry day seems oxymoronic in a mocking way. (I actually thought "Why did I purchase this? It's not even that cute.") Laundry is mundane. It's cyclical. Few of us experience deep pleasure and excitement from laundry, but it has to be done. Whether you attack laundry with routine efficiency or let it pile until you have no choice(🙋🏿‍♀️🤦🏿‍♀️), you get it done. Laundry is a relatable example of "I do not have to enjoy every moment of this, but I do have to do it." Doing what needs to be done even when the actions are thrill-less doesn't take from the beauty of life; it adds to the credibility, accountability, and responsibility of the individual. Today I needed a reminder that any and every thing I want requires action and effort even for the mundane parts of the process; my laundry and this basket provided it.

Home

My experiences taught me that it is unwise to define home on the basis of individuals and relationships. Things are destroyed. Deaths, divorces, births, marriages, and blending happen everyday. Families downside and expand. Dwellings are acquired and lost. Children grow up and establish themselves elsewhere. 

There are a plethora of variables.

When your definition of home is inextricable from a certain place, person, or group of people you may feel like a drifter if/when things shift. You experience a sense of permanent displacement that impacts your perspective and how well or poorly you relate to the world and those around you. It becomes difficult to cope with change, and, and this is important, you sacrifice time, energy, and self trying to recreate what was rather than design what can be. 

Well, this was all true in my case.

My view of family and home was so rigid that it left no room for contentment with my reality of family, home, and consequently, self. It also contributed to flawed logic. (ie: "My family is broken, so I am broken. My home is dysfunctional  so I am dysfunctional.) I did not understand my own ability and responsibility to influence home and family. I did not realize that I could implement what worked well and discard what had no utility for me.  

I viewed myself as a recipient not a benefactor. I wanted to recreate in some form or fashion, preferably a perfected, pre things fall apart version, of my childhood. To do so, I needed individuals who were willing to play roles, and I had to play a role myself. I was reenacting as opposed to establishing. 

It was necessary to expand my definition of home and family in order to experience acceptance, gratitude, and ultimately joy. For me, home is no longer one's place of residence or origin. It is not the social unit formed by a family living together. For me, home is self. I am home when a harmonious relationship with self is achieved. 

When INTRA-harmony happens, I can establish home wherever I am. When INTRA-harmony happens, it is easier to be in harmony with my environment. As I become more and more at home in myself, I am able to create more functional connections with others.

As I cleaned and organized today, I looked around and counted the little, average, seemingly insignificant things, both tangibles and intangibles, that bring me joy and contribute to my sense of peace and well-being. I snapped a picture because I am so proud of my space. I love my cabinet, an impulse buy at Target. I love my artwork, faux plants, candles, journals, and my books. (I really LOVE my books.) 

I am home.

P.S.

What makes you feel at home within yourself and environment?

Let's talk about it: Haters

Some people want, nay, long for, haters. It's a thing. 🤷🏿‍♀️ Some misguided soul at some point said something that amounted to "you ain't winning if you ain't got haters" and referenced Jesus, Judas, the Pharisees and Sadducees, and a few scriptures thus revolutionizing the perspective on having a camp of people wanting, nay, longing for your failure, unhappiness, and general decline.

There was a time in my life when I thought "I must be doing something wrong. I have not one hater. I must make one by tomorrow." 🤦🏿‍♀️🤦🏿‍♀️🤦🏿‍♀️ Now, I know that the minding of one's business, avoidance of drama, and internal checking of one's motives and attitudes generally creates likeability. I do not have haters. A part from the  lot of people who genuinely root for me, most of the world regards me with a pleasant indifference if they regard me at all. I am okay with this non-polarizing, quiet life.

I said all of that to say:

Refuse to occupy the hater quota or space for anyone. You can accept or reject these well-wishes, good vibes, and happy thoughts, but they radiate from me anyhow. I refuse to allow anyone to transform my energy into pettiness or negativity. 

Ladies and gentlemen, protect you peace. 

Blessed are the peacemakers. (That's in the Book.)

The entire last decade was a process of elimination. I learned what was a definite "no," "no thank you," and "hell no" for me. This process of elimination extended to education, finances, faith, career, relationships, health, time, preferences, dislikes, etc. I ended the decade with a beautiful clarity about what I do not want and/or need. 

I know what I am unwilling to give and sacrifice including, but not limited to self, sanity, peace, and purpose. I know what does not work well for my body, heart, and mind including, but not limited to dairy, lack of sleep, lack of exercise, tweezing, fast food, casual sex, a revolving door of relationships, cohabitation, fear, depression, anxiety, and agnosticism. I am clear what I do not want included in the mission, vision, policies, and practices governing my life.

Somewhere between the age of 11 and 14, I wrote a valedictorian speech. (I just knew I'd graduate valedictorian. That didn't happen, but it's okay. Let's move on.🤷🏿‍♀️) In this speech, I admonished my imagined audience to prize observation as the greatest teacher. Because observation is less costly than experience, the wise person, I wrote, learns from others' experiences and does not have to experience everything for him or herself. 

Then, I set out to learn everything the hard way. (🤦🏿‍♀️🤦🏿‍♀️🤦🏿‍♀️) From 2010 to 2019, age 19 through 29, I willingly and knowingly participated in lessons that cost a great deal aka dumb-ass decisions. I went in circles. I took detours. I started construction projects on every road and left them unattended. It was, and this is  minimization, a hot mess. 

When I sorted through that mess, bagged the heaps of trash and toss that crap out, cleaned, and rearranged a beautiful space was revealed. Clarity! Clarity! Clarity! (Where had you been all my life? 😊🥰😍) I can work with clarity. I know where to start with clarity. The clarity that accompanies and encompasses me in 2020 is exciting.

There's no more time for trying a little of everything. (Ouch! 😬😰 I just stepped on my own toes.) The process of elimination while filled with utility is time consuming. I understand the lessons. I passed the test. I do not have to repeat the course. (Thank you, Jesus! 🙌🏿) Now, I can apply my knowledge and clarity. Now, I can start walking in purpose on purpose. Now, I can start operating according to vision I have painstakingly cultivated. Clarity is performance-enhancing. It will not execute my vision for me, but it attaches meaning and value to execution.