Favorite Quotes

“If growing up is painful for the Southern Black girl, being aware of her displacement is the rust on the razor that threatens the throat. It is an unnecessary insult.”

"Be the change you wish to see in the world."

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”

"...I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you; we are in charge of our attitudes."

“There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of beauty.”

“Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”

Monday, July 17, 2017

Purple

Game from my father
Patience from my mother
So I recognize inconsistences
But I'm long-suffering
"Leave a stain on your brain"
Sharp as a knife
My father recognized your goal
"Pray about it, Baby"
With the love of Christ,
My mother cared for your soul
And I find myself
Somewhere in between
Going back and forth
On the scale of Olanda to Lee

Sunday, July 16, 2017

Know Better, Do Better

I turn 27 in a couple of months, and I've been acutely aware that I have to start making healthy decisions on a consistent basis. Habits are hard to break, but they can be broken. With this in mind, I'm attempting to establish a healthy routines. This morning I had a cup of soymilk, bottle of water, and banana for breakfast. (I typically forgo breakfast altogether.) I took Vitmin D. I love Witch Hazel as a facial cleanser. It's a staple product for me, so I used it per usual. My beautiful, health conscious cousin suggested I add a probiotic, and I did. This was my first time buying/using probiotics.

Though it's not pictured here, I also took my prescribed medications for hypertension. I have high blood pressure, and it's been uncontrolled for the longest time. I just refused to take the medications. Any and every time that I've gone to the doctor, I'm always cautioned that my blood pressure is too high. They always remind me of the risks associated with uncontrolled hypertension.

I reasoned that it was most likely due to my poor diet choices and what I really need to do is exercise and eat healthier. Both of those are good decisions to make for my overall health and could positively impact my blood pressure, but this fact remains: It is stupid to risk having a stroke and/or damaging my organs when there is treatment available.

Last night, while at the grocery store, I met a sweet lady. We were both looking a tomatoes and lamenting about their per pound cost. She said, "I need a garden," and our conversation continued on from there. She asked if I ever tried vinegar with my laundry detergent. She swore by its ability to make clothes fresher and softer. She told me to "Google it."

I noticed she had a variety of produce items in her basket and asked if she was making anything special. She informed me that she was making healthy decisions. She told me that last month she had a major stroke. She said it was only by God's grace that she was able to talk, grocery shop, and walk with the assistance of a cane. When our conversation came to end, she reminded me to always trust God because He will take good care of me, and she went on her way. I don't know the cause of that sweet lady's stroke, but I do know it changed her life. And it was a scary time for her. I also know that meeting her wasn't simply fortuitous.

We have to take care of the one body that we are given. While genetics are beyond our control, lifestyle choices are not. Let's make  good choices that contribute to health and well-being. This is certainly a challenge for me, but the stakes are high. I'm worth the time and effort it takes to learn healthy behaviors, and so are you. I'm worth the time and energy it takes to prepare wholesome, home-cooked meals, and so are you. I know better, so I have to do better.

"Or didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don’t you see that you can’t live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body."
1 Corinthians 6:19-‬20 MSG

Saturday, July 15, 2017

Sister

Sometimes, many times honestly, I've held roles and was convinced I did not have grace for them, but there is one role that has never made me feel inadequate. Sister. I absolutely love being a sister to the human beings that are my siblings. I know I have divine grace to serve, love, support, learn from, root for, and exist in relationship to my brothers and sisters.

When I was a young girl, I was mean to my little brothers. (They called me Angelica, a reference to the antagonist on Nickelodeon's Rugrats.)  Today, it's still one of my biggest regrets. If you are living at home with your siblings, cherish it. Cherish it even on the days when they are huge annoyances. Be kind to your brothers and sisters. Build them up. Affirm them. Take advantage of this special time in life.

If you live in the same town or in close proximity to your siblings, call them up. Make plans! Go see a movie. Have lunch. Hang out. Go for a walk. Have fun together. Talk to them. Pry. Get to know them better. Enjoy the company of your siblings, and show them the love that is unique to a sister.

My brothers and sisters are all six or more hours away. I realized that I never really appreciated the luxury of being able to yell from one room to the next to summons an annoyed Bubba or Isaiah. I never seized the opportunity to make plans with Ebone' when we were close enough to do so. I never exerted enough effort to talk to Tone' on a consistent basis and facilitate closeness although we lived far from one another.

Seeing them today isn't feasible, but it's possible. Thank God; it's possible! I can send each of them a text and still get a reply. I can video chat with them and see those beautiful/handsome faces.  While I pray that we're all around long enough to see each other's grandchildren's grandchildren, I have to recognize their preciousness. What if it's not always this easy to satisfy homesickness for my siblings? The very thought brings tears to my eyes.

Life is short. It's unpredictable. We hope for sixty plus more years with our siblings, but there's no guarantee that we'll even have two. Give your brother/sister a hug today. Reach out. Send a text. Get them on the phone. Show love, dear sisters and brothers, to your sisters and brothers. Love your loved ones fiercely while they're still here to experience it.

Thursday, July 13, 2017

To Add Delight to Remedy

Last night while lying in bed considering rather I should relax my natural hair or do another big chop, I prayed a prayer that actually surprised me.

"God, how can you get glory from my hair?" 

Honestly, I don't know if God cares if I have relaxed, natural, long, or short hair. I don't. I'm happy to know that the Creator of all finds me so worthy of His attention that He notes and knows every detail about me including the number of hairs on my head. (See Luke 12:6-7) I do believe that my Heavenly Father was proud that His daughter, newly humbled and cognizant of her dire need for Him and His guidance, offered that brief, seemingly frivolous prayer.

Today, mulling over this change, I smiled. There is a sweet peace and blissful contentment that accompanies being dependent on The One. There was a time, not too long ago, when I made big decisions, huge, life-altering decisions without prayer and supplication. I, in pride and foolishness, made choice after choice without consideration of how my actions would glorify or displease God. I haven't arrived. I still have growing, learning, and humbling to do, but I am pressing. All glory to God! He's been drawing me for so long, and I'm talking patient, loving, intensive drawing. (See John 6:44)

P.S.
And to add delight to remedy, I know exactly what I'm doing with my hair. It's certainly not an emotional hair decision this time. 😁

"Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life." Philippians 4:6‭-‬7 MSG

"Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.  And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6‭-‬7 KJV

Saturday, July 8, 2017

Notice to Vacate

The events that brought you to me are ethereal and faint; they're memories made fuzzy by years of denying pain...and your existence. I've carried you for so long that your heaviness seems a natural part my being. You're uncomfortable; you hurt, but Fear cautions me leave you.

"Don't speak it though you lived it. Don't speak it though you feel it. You never know what you'll unearth, dredging up years of buried hurts."

So I don't address you, but your presence is undeniable. In familiarity and defeat, I reach for a masculine pacifier, and you're there. Lying in wait, excited by triggers, you express yourself in insecurity, compensation, hardness, and anger. You're a manipulator, a master of deflection. You've usurped my reality and perverted my perception. No more! This is your notice to vacate; you must leave. I'll no longer be a host; I'm not your feed. There won't be another year of your progress interruptions. I'm over you, your emotional toll, and relational destruction. From this day forward, I'm rooting you out. Trauma, you can't live with me; my life is not your house.

Four Women

-Four Women
"Written by Nina Simone, 'Four Women' was released in 1966 on her album Wild is the Wind. In the song, she creates a genealogy of black women through slavery to the present. Four characters, Aunt Sarah, Saffronia, Sweet Thing, and Peaches represent different types of black women and the lasting legacy of slavery. Though each woman speaks for herself, she describes her physical traits and the way she is seen and treated in society, and what 'they' call her."

Listening to Nina Simone is listening to power, pain, art, and truth all encapsulated in the haunting voice of one woman.

4:44

I've never listened to Jay Z's music, and I'm not one to hop on bandwagons. As a music lover I had to see what all the hype was about. I'm so glad I did. I thoroughly enjoyed 4:44. I'm not too proud to admit I've listened to it like 5 times already. It's that good. Here are some of my favorite lines; this list is not exhaustive.

P.S.
The samples were crazy good. Ha Ya from the Clark Sisters took me back to being a little girl jamming with my Mama.

Friday, July 7, 2017

My Kind of Friday Night

It's Settled

Stay up later if you need to
mull it over & think it through
Call up a confidant
Make a list of pros & cons
Research opposing views
Exhaust productive avenues
Pray about it, then sit & listen
to the small, still voice & your intuition
Don't take the stress of a decision to bed
Make up your mind & get some rest

Thursday, July 6, 2017

Crucify Her: An Exercise In Hypocrisy

Society keeps count, stays abreast of who's in her pants. Her purity is measured in men, how many beds she's been in, the provocation of her dress, and the openness she displays about sex. It evaluates her behavior and doesn't shy away from assigning labels. She's called an array of insults including slut, whore, hoe, and bitch. Women are crucified for possessing the same sexuality championed for men. Morals are relative, and Society's sliding scale is based on genitalia. You want virtuous daughters while raising sons without standards. "Boys will be boys," so you make allowances for their sin.

Tuesday, July 4, 2017

Feel It As It Feels

I'm not too proud for overt.
I won't attempt subtlety;
I don't mask the hurt.
It's my desire to heal,
be in the moment,
feel it as it feels.
Sincerity about growth
allows me to let facades go,
so I write myself bare;
naked, transparent, and
free to leave there there.

Aha Moment

Wherever you go, you take You with you. If You don't change, inevitably you'll have the same experiences in different places.

Monday, July 3, 2017

Unfair Trade

Don't choose fleeting pleasure for inevitable pain. You are not without a way of escape. Avoid the heartbreak. Use good judgement. Walk away.

"No temptation has come upon you except what is common to humanity. But God is faithful; he will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation he will also provide a way out so that you may be able to bear it."
-1 Corinthians 10:13 CSB

No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; he’ll always be there to help you come through it.
-1 Corinthians 10:13 MSG

There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
-1 Corinthians 10:13 KJV