Favorite Quotes
“If growing up is painful for the Southern Black girl, being aware of her displacement is the rust on the razor that threatens the throat. It is an unnecessary insult.”
"Be the change you wish to see in the world."
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
"...I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you; we are in charge of our attitudes."
“There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of beauty.”
“Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”
Sunday, October 16, 2016
Unnecessary Insults: Three
Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding."
While the well-known verse from Proverbs offers sound advice, I am not always keen on getting an understanding, particularly an understanding of my parents. My mom and dad have been at the receiving end of some harsh, expressed and unexpressed feelings and judgments.
When I perceived either of them (1) hurt me and negatively (2) affected me, (3) influenced who I am, or (4) interfered with my goals, their actions fell into an unacceptable zone where I was not concerned about the why. Exercising selfishness and hypocrisy, I created utility in every negative experience, allowing them to become integral parts of the narrative I tell about myself. After all, they provide solid explanations for my bad behaviors. I always seek to better understand myself and help others understand me.
I cannot minimize how I harped, internally of course, on my dad's incarceration. We are 16 or 17 years post his release, and his fall into the "unacceptable zone" is still a factor. In fact it was a central theme behind the first Unnecessary Insults post I wrote. In the most nuanced ways, I felt his nine or ten year absence due to incarceration.
I recently watched Director Ava Duvernay's documentary, 13th. If you have not saw it, I strongly recommend you watch it. (It's available on Netflix.) Although I was not looking for one, this documentary provided a context for my dad's incarceration. It prompted me to do my research. Among other topics, I decided to research my dad's criminal history, and I purchased the $3.32 public record criminal record.
His record revealed two arrests.
He was arrested on March 14, 1990 in Hunt County for failure to identify, a misdemeanor. His second arrest occurred on August 7, 1990 in Sulphur Springs of Hopkins County, Texas. My dad, 19 years old at the time, was sentenced to 35 years for Burglary of a Habitation, a felony offense.
And, it all connected.
The "War on Crime" and mass incarceration explored in 13th documentary and my dad's accounts of his experiences, previously discounted by me, made sense.
I believe in upholding the law. If anyone, including my loved ones, commits a crime, punishment is indeed warranted. However in my dad's particular case, I am not and cannot be convinced that 35 years was a proportionate punishment. To be clear, I am not objective, but I do not believe those who dispensed "justice" showed objectivity in his case either.
For the first time, I genuinely understand my dad. I cannot claim to understand what it's like to spend ten years in prison, "a system, some say, is designed to break individuals within 60 days." I cannot claim to understand what it's like to be on parole for twenty-five years and disenfranchised for a lifetime. I cannot understand what it's like to grow up behind bars and miss some of the most significant moments of your life and your children's lives. I can say that I have finally given my dad the consideration he deserves. I considered his past and present experiences and his current worldview with the goal of understanding.
Prior to watching this documentary that I felt so personally, I attributed my dad's actions at 19 years of age to poor choices. His consequences, then, were the result of HIS poor choices. In this view, my sisters and I were the victims of his crime. Most insulting to my dad, from my now soften perspective, is the fact that I never considered the political agenda or racial inherences of 1990s and prior decades. I never felt the need to research his criminal record or question his case because I had no curiosity that need satisfying. Just like the politicians and the justice system, I adopted a "tough on crime" attitude and relegated him with prejudice.
Emotional and sympathetic, I immediately attempted to get my dad on the phone.