I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder. In most areas, my anxiety is manageable. In some areas, it can be debilitating. Driving fell in the latter category, and the act accompanied by level of anxiety that had physical manifestations.
Most people are probably thinking: "Grow up, Kechia." Lol. I get that. However, anxiety is pretty common as it affects about 3 million people. For people who have severe anxiety, even tasks that are simple to others can present real challenges.
While I was always apprehensive about driving, I had a car accident in 2012 that worsened the issue.
I was driving to church on a Tuesday. Initially, I didn't want to drive, but I did so anyways. I drove safely, and much to my relief, the church was within sight. I was filled with the most temporary relief. A moment later, as I was turning into the narrow roadway to enter the church property, I had a car accident. The car was flipped upside down and totaled. And, I had the biggest panic attack I've had to date. It may seem trivial, but it was one of the worst days of my life.
Everyone said that particular unpaved road had been problematic. Most people said it was an accident waiting to happen. The city even closed and reconstructed the road in that area. None of that knowledge helped me.
From the date of that accident until about June 2015, I attempted to drive only a handful of times. Each time was characterized by heightened fear and anxiety.
I said all of that to put this milestone into its proper context. On January 30, 2016, I got a car. It was a better car than I planned to get, and it was much needed. (Uber, Lyft, and my transportation costs [without a car payment and insurance] required a ridiculous percentage of income each month.)
In all honesty, up until this point, I had not shared a picture of my car because I still was not driving. I was still allowing the anxiety to hinder me.
Yesterday, I drove from Garland to Greenville by myself. I drove to several places in Greenville. I drove back home today. I drove 100 plus miles, and I did so semi-independently. (My best friend, Errian, was on the phone via the car's Bluetooth. He helped a sister combat the anxiety whenever it reared its ugly head.)
I do not care if this is insignificant to most people. It is not for me. This exacerbated-anxiety-while-driving situation has caused me much embarrassment, frustration, and sadness. It has been the biggest hindrance to autonomy. Everyday that I drive, I reclaim a piece of my freedom back. Yesterday and today, I feel like anxiety suffered casualties. I am tearfully happy about this.
First and foremost, thank you, Jesus!
Special thanks to my Mama, Flanigan, and TeAnn!
