This song describes a period of my life, and I am moved every time I hear it.

Mary J. Blige - Whole Damn Year (Official Audio): http://youtu.be/Go_IjcRahlg

I Don't Have My Crap Together

I've been trying to let this sink in. I feel that there is so much that I should already have figured out. There's so much I want to see, do, and accomplish. I am not who I want to be or where I want to be. In my own eyes, I am somewhat of a mess. I know I am too hard on myself in many areas and too laxed in others. Sometimes, I have to remind myself that I am 24, and give myself a break. Nope, I don't have my crap together, but I'll keep going until I do.
#twenties #trialanderror #learning #growing #trying #failing #itisallgood

Unsolicited Apology

Today I received an unsolicited apology from someone who hurt me deeply many years ago. I had already forgiven him, and I never expected an apology to come. I actually believed that this individual could care less about the damage he had caused my heart. It is easy to imagine then how taken back I was by his apology. It moved me in a way that was unexpected.
Because he was my "first love," most people did not take this heartbreak seriously. In the eyes of many, we had "puppy love," and it was written off as such. To me, however, it was much more than that. I loved him when my heart was taintless. I trusted him. We had self-disclosure. I saw the best in him; I wanted him to see the best in me. And, I knew he loved me too. Our love and relationship was a combination of things that made it all seemingly peculiar for people our age. (I think our backgrounds contributed to this.) As naive as it was, I was certain that we shared something authentic.
The devastation I felt when things went in the direction they ultimately went in is difficult to describe. It took a toll on me in many areas. It changed me. I carried that hurt for a long time, but I did get over it.
I learned to forgive him and accept our lot. Most surprising to me, I learned to love him from a distance and that I could still be happy for his triumphs, sadden by his trials, and a source of prayers and well-wishes for him. I credit him and that relationship for teaching me some important things about the nature of love and its resilience.
This unsolicited, no-strings-attached apology came YEARS later, and moved me to tears. I felt a combination of gratitude, relief, and closure. I know it took courage and humility, and I am so thankful that he acted on both.
I once read that "forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself;" well maybe a sincere, unsolicited expression of remorse is a gift you give to someone else. We do not have to ability to undo did; there is no regression for actions. Thankfully, we can move forward. 

Forgiveness is so vital! We have to embrace it; we need it to achieve wholeness and happiness. We need it to progress. I too have hurt people and caused others pain, and I too need to make sure I am freely and genuinely giving unsolicited apologies. Let's act with courage and humility and earnestly apologize to those who we have wronged.